From Bad to Verse: Liver Song, Commercial Land, Typochondriacs

Liver Love Song 

Why are there no love songs 

For the lovely liver? 

Righting our unhealthy wrongs 

It is the body’s caregiver 


So here’s a love song to livers 

May they always do their thing 

Swimming in boozy rivers 

Taking out the sting 


And while you’re at it, hepatic one 

You’d really hit a homer 

If you could somehow make undone 

This godawful hangover 



The detective the lush was aloof 

When sober he made many goofs 

Most often the botch 

Came from watered down scotch 

Perhaps he just needed more proof 


Electrical Thought 

When Jean-Paul Sartre 

Had an appliance he adored 

Did he connect it with 

An existension cord 



A triangle and a circle 

Played a game at a local joint 

Which the triangle won most handily 

Cuz the circle couldn’t make a point 


Living in Commercial Land 

If I lived in Commercial Land 

It would be really great 

I’d drive the only car on the road 

And have yummy food on my plate 


My friends would all be gorgeous 

We’d live in exotic places 

And I would be admiring 

Their very perfect faces 


My bank account would overflow 

From the money I’d have saved 

My children would be perfect too 

Cute and well-behaved 


We’d eat our family dinners 

Around a table long 

And sit around campfires 

Singing happy songs 


There would be praises 

And stories for telling 

About whatever the hell 

Commercial Land was selling 


Which raises the question 

Will Commercial Land force it 

If I live with their product 

But refuse to endorse it? 


Slow Cooker 

Just one thing that 

Will make me happy 

Turtle soup 

And make it snappy 


One Liner 

Typochondriacs fear mistakes 


Kevin Ahern is an Oregon State University Professor Emeritus of Biochemistry and Biophysics. In his retirement, he writes verses.   

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