Humpday News Roundup: The Final Edition

The latest recap of the news you may have missed… we’re assuming by accident.  

Lightning Kills 

We’ve all heard of lightning creating havoc. All over Oregon, there are concerns after last year’s epic wildfire season that a dry storm like those we see along the Columbia River Gorge near The Dalles will throw out streaks of light across the sky and set our dry and water-starved grasses and trees on fire. Our grasses shouldn’t be the only concern. Recently in India, 27 people were on a water tower taking selfies in a storm, when lightning struck and killed 16 of them. Thousands of people die each year from lightning strikes. So be careful out there.  

In CPAC News… 

Former President Donald Trump went to the Conservative Political Action Conference [aka CPAC] in Orlando, Florida, and spoke to the crowd for 90 minutes – read that again… 90 minutes… of Trump talking… 90 as in nine times ten minutes or an hour and a half… okay, let’s keep going here – wherein he talked about Trump things like elections that were not actually won and how bad President Biden is doing. Throughout the weekend, cards were handed to folks outlining the Republican Party’s seven-point-plan to get Trump back in the White House – a plan that begins with “Pull back the horror show that is today’s ‘Democratic Party,’” moves through getting Trump chosen as the next Speaker of the House, and an oldie but goodie, yes you guess it, impeachment of the president. This plan includes impeaching the VP as well. [Will the former president’s day in the sun ever set? *sigh*] 

Unfortunately, Chlorine Doesn’t Neutralize Everything

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has taken up graphic design in order to make sure people remember to not swim when they have diarrhea. Apparently, the body has about 140 billion [yes, that’s Billion] microbes of poop on it just lurking about waiting to offload themselves into the water. Some people swim with their eyes and mouths open. Do you see where we’re going with this? The CDC therefore recommends that you not swim while having… well… let’s just say “while ill” and move on.

How to Fix Your Apple  

Steve Wozniak – the other Steve of Apple computers/pods/phones/etc – has come out on YouTube to support the consumer’s right to repair their own devices. In the United Kingdom, measures have recently been introduced to require manufacturers to provide replacement parts for televisions, washers, and refrigerators. Wozniak said, “We wouldn’t have had an Apple had I not grown up in a very open technology world.” At least 27 states have legislation related to the topic. 

People Can Be Asses 

“When you see somebody who has put some weight on…” is where Valerie Bertinelli began her response to someone who felt it was necessary to mention that she weighs more now than she did when she was a teenager on the then-hit show “One Day at a Time.” The question comes to mind here at The Advocate – where did that person get the idea that they had a right to say anything about the subject? Our world is full of different people with different bodies and none of us should feel the need to make note of any of it. Do we mention to men that they have developed beer bellies? No, we just shrug it off and assume it’s because they have gotten older. [Evolve faster, people!] 

COVID News… Again 

The pandemic’s not quite done, folks. To begin with, there might be more needles in our future – and not the fun tattooing sort. Dr. Anthony Fauci says that “it is entirely conceivable, maybe likely” that we’ll need a third shot to boost the first two shots to keep safe from COVID. So keep your sleeve-rolling skills in practice.   

Unless… 

you are among those who have chosen to not vaccinate. There are 30 clusters in the U.S. where the vaccination rates are too low for the population size to provide “herd” immunity. Five of these clusters cover large areas of the Southeast and Midwest. [We’re talking Georgia, Texas, Missouri, Alabama, Arkansas, Louisiana, Oklahoma, and Tennessee.] The government is expecting the pandemic to keep up its ravages on these communities for the foreseeable future unless people grow brains and take a shot for their country. 

And Now the Truly Scary News… 

In March of 2021, a woman in Belgium who had not been vaccinated died from two – count ’em 2 – different variants of the virus. This means that, while you are sick with COVID, you can catch COVID. It’s also been reported in Brazil where a 17-year-old caught one variant as they were recovering from a different variant. [So much for naturally occurring antibodies, right?] 

Are They Daring Us to Wear These? 

Two American design houses made it to the news lately – Pyer Moss and Daniel Roseberry. The former for clothing that features the creations of Black inventors, the later for presenting surrealist clothing. Peanut butter jars, cell phones, and hair rollers adorned clothing to honor Black ingenuity at one show. While coned bralets, lip-shaped purses, and perfume-bottle-shaped hats abounded on the surreal-er side of things. All in all, Americans were represented as being able to look backwards as easily as forwards. 

Branson Beats Bezos & Musk  

In the race to get a billionaire into space, we at The Advocate tragically backed the wrong horse. Neither Jeff Bezos nor Elon Musk was the first, because Richard Branson of Virgin Atlantic beat them both. Branson had a ringer when he hired Burt Rutan to build him a spaceplane, and as the billionaire reached 100 km above Earth – the official spot where “space” begins – he won the race to be the first privately funded rich guy up there. Now it’s just a matter of who will place and who will show. [We’re no longer betting on any horse, as it could be the Queen of England for all we know] 

The Last Rose You’ll Need 

Inspired by Beauty and the Beast, a company based out of Dubai has found a way to disassemble, modify, then reassemble roses in order to sell them for up to $80,000. The roses are then able to last for years. No one knows why they decided this would be a good idea.  

Thank You… 

This is a final edition of the Humpday News Roundup for now. If you have read all the way down to this point, thanks! It’s been fun! 

By Sally K Lehman