The latest recap of the news you may have missed… we’re assuming by accident.    

Get Ready for Fresh Veggies 

Corvallis Farmers’ Market will be opening again on April 17, back in downtown, and sticking to COVID restrictions. Those restrictions include allowing only one person per household into the Market at a time, take-out only from the surrounding restaurants, no single-serve drinks sold, and the ever-present masks and social distancing. However, Market restaurants will be allowed to have dining in their parking areas. Jennifer Moreland of the Downtown Corvallis Association told the Daily Barometer, “It’s one of the safest ways you can shop.” 

Just a Tax Day Reminder… 

In case you are fretting about your standard procrastinating ways and still haven’t filled those taxes out yet, you have until May 17 this year. We mean, that’s like a whole extra four weeks to put things off. 

New Munchings in Corvallis 

Corvallis welcomes Five Guys Burgers & Fries! The burger place which has become well known nationwide has finally, finally, finally arrived… at the loss of Baja Fresh. No word as to why Baja left, but the Guys are filling the void with burgers like you want them and amazing fries. (Older and wiser editor’s note: Hold out for an In-N-Out Burger because, better burgers – even if their fries leave something to be desired) 

Shake Shack Opening in Beaverton 

Shake Shack – which my daughters assure me is the very best place to eat ever – is opening in Beaverton, Oregon on April 16! It’s a short hour-and-a-half drive, Corvallisites, so come on down… well, up if you consider north up. In the Portland Metro people have been waiting for a year now. The time has come! How do we get them to build in the Mid-Valley?  

Oregon EV 

Mark Frohnmayer of Eugene’s very own Arcimoto has built the ultimate bridge between standard issue cars with their gas-guzzling ways and electric vehicles. This two-passenger, three-wheeled, dual-motored, doorless, electric vehicle that goes 75 mph might just go head-to-head with Tesla – funny since Frohnmayer and Elon Musk car-camped together once-upon-a-time. Luckily, Frohnmayer has a better social media personality and doesn’t crash $815,000 cars. Here’s hoping that Arcimoto can take-the-world-by-storm. 

Twisted COVID Fines 

The Twisted River Saloon in Springfield is looking down the long barrel of a $18,430 fine for violating COVID restrictions. After multiple complaints, inspectors showed up. Among the issues, the Saloon opened its doors to inside patrons when Springfield was still at Extreme Risk, failure to implement an infection control plan, and failure to conduct a risk assessment of employees. At The Advocate we understand the desire to open things up sooner than they maybe really should be opened, but we’re siding with the state. Especially since Black Bear Diners in two Oregon towns are facing similar fines – $35,000 of them in fact – for the same reason.  

The Rest of the Story… 

In a Roundup from March 31, we told you about the “Satan Shoes” being sold by Lil Nas X and MSCHF. Well, Oregon’s very own Nike has successfully stopped the sale of those shoes – which incidentally had already sold out and been shipped. So why the squabble? Was it because Nas X found a way to sell Nike shoes for $1,018 a pair? Was it because Nike couldn’t keep their red Air Max ’97 style in stock? Or was it that Nike was jealous of Nas X’s marketing genius – the added Bible verse note, the pentagram, the limited supply of 666 pairs, and, of course, the drop of human blood.  

Some Ponzi Schemes Are for the Good of All 

French winemaker Champagne Bollinger has bought Oregon’s Ponzi Vineyards – their first in the U.S. Begun in 1970 by Dick and Nancy Ponzi, the Oregon winemakers became a family enterprise with daughters Anna Maria and Luisa running the company for the last 25 years. The purchase includes 35 acres of vines and a tasting room in Sherwood, as well as vines surrounding the original Ponzi lands.  

The New Cost of Getting a Beer 

If lawmakers pass it, House Bill 3296 will increase the tax on beer and wine by 2,800% – yes, that percentage was nearly three-thousand. The group to benefit from the millions more in taxes would be Oregon Recovers, a group which wants to decrease alcohol consumption by 15%. This tax would also push the state from one of the lowest tax rates for alcohol to the second highest. BTW the highest tax rate on alcohol is found in Washington. Unfortunately, many small breweries, wineries, and distilleries would see their profit margins seriously shrink, so they have created the group Don’t Tax My Drink. 

In Hospital News… 

Oregon Health and Science University is facing an investigation by a national accrediting organization after one anesthesiologist who worked there came under scrutiny for sexual harassment and assault. If the Chicago-based council finds OHSU at fault, they could lose their anesthesiology accreditation – which the hospital needs to continue teaching. Not surprisingly, the university has denied all of the allegations. 

We Still Need Blood 

Want to make the world a better place? Donate blood! It’s easy, doesn’t hurt any more than getting your COVID vaccine, and is safe to do after getting your COVID vaccine. Yes, you can donate blood even if you have been vaccinated. Just make sure you let them know which vaccine you got… which is on the vaccine card they give you when you get vaccinated. See, we’ve got all the answers, and if we don’t, the Red Cross sure does. So go save a life or two. 

What is it About a Man in a Dress? 

In the ultimate act of appropriation, yet another male in a position of fame has decided that wearing a dress would make him more famous. Kid Cudi went on SNL this last weekend as a musical guest. His first performance gave viewers a start as he wore a shirt with Chris Farley’s picture on it – Farley became famous on SNL before he died in 1997. And for his second performance, Cudi wore a lovely strappy white dress with an evenly spaced floral pattern and gently gathered skirt. The dress was designed by Virgil Abloh. It seems that the dress was donned in homage of Kurt Cobain – Cobain became famous for music before he died, which was back in 1994. 

Fukushima Becomes Four Lettered Word Again 

Many of us remember that night in 2011 when Oregon television stations were covering the latest earthquake in Japan. Helicopters recorded live as a tsunami flooded parking lots, highways, an airport, and a nuclear power plant which then had a meltdown. Fast forward ten years and that plant has begun sending radioactive water back out into the ocean. Why? Because otherwise the water storage capacity will hit “full” by autumn of 2022. Scientists are saying that “the long-term impact on marine life from low-dose exposure to such large volumes of water is unknown.” 

Why Tiger Crashed… this time 

Tiger Woods has come to sudden stops before. Most notably when his life imploded around him in 2010 and his wife left. But on Feb. 23, he crashed into a downhill stretch of trees and seriously hurt himself and his SUV. It turns out that Tiger was driving nearly 90 mph. Unfortunately, the posted speed limit was 45 mph. Yep, folks, that’s twice the limit. I think we all know why Tiger went off that curve now. Let’s add to that the fact that Mr. Woods has been in three high profile collisions in 11 years, and that this time around there was no evidence that he tried to brake, although there was also “no evidence of distracted or impaired driving.” Maybe it’s time for Tiger to have a caddy to help him drive a car as well as a golf ball. 

In Environmental News… 

France announced recently that they will no longer allow short, domestic flights when there is a train option availableOthers bits and pieces of political nonsense buffeted the bill around before their Parliament passed it and sent it on to whoever needs to look and vote next. In other news, isn’t it nice to know that other countries also have messy law passing protocols that get abused by powerful people… not that the U.S. does, of course, I’m talking about, um, Paraguay. Yeah, Paraguay. 

And in Royal News… 

Taking a step away from the young royals, it is with sadness that we say that Queen Elizabeth II’s hubby, Prince Phillip, passed away. He was 99 years old and had recently been in the hospital, so it wasn’t terribly surprising. What did surprise this writer was the fact that the elderly prince was well known for saying the wrong things a lot of the time – we’re not going to repeat them here because they are that repulsive to our Advocators, but you can get the details here if you must 

Trump Raises Head… Presidentially Ugly 

Remember when it was safe to be on Donald Trump’s good side? Senator Mitch McConnell does. But winds have changed, and Trump has spoken to the GOP’s top donors, and he barred no holds. In his speech, the former resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. chose to call the Minority leader a “stone-cold loser” and an S.O.B. He also mocked McConnell’s wife – Trump’s former Secretary of Transportation. He then expressed his disappointment in former vice president Mike Pence for not breaking the law and declaring Trump the winner in 2020 – our words, not his. The speech ended the Republican National Committee weekend in Florida… which is sort of like old white guy Spring Break.  

In Confusing Trump-ish News… 

Long time Trump supporter and possible sycophant Nikki Haley has said in public that if Donald Trump were to run for president again, she would not be interested in being on the ticket. She went on to say that the former president “went down a path he shouldn’t have,” and that he has “fallen so far.” Haley would, however, still support Trump in another bid for public office. She also said that she doesn’t believe Trump will run for federal office again. After staying by his side for so very much of the Trump presidency, Haley’s comments are a little erratic and more than a little confusing. Thus, it is in politics, no? 

By Sally K Lehman