CHEERS & JEERS: Unmasked at Last!

Southern preacher voice CHEERS, and a Hare Rama, Hallelujah to yuh…YeeHaw. Yep, you heard it here last, folks, the fully-vaxxed among us can lose the mask and the social distancing! Because gawd is good all the time, and all the time, gawd is good — and when we say gawd, we mean vaccine. Can we get an AMEN! Flock, here’s the new CDC guidance, which, like gawd, has some conditions. Wait, does gawd have conditions — not sure on the theology part of medicine being deified yet. 

SUBPLOT: Feeling the spirit, Oregon Governor Kate Brown grinned a grin, got all maskless, and could barely contain herself, announcing vaxxed-folk could get nekkid in the face, and get socially close. Well, actually, she did contain herself, but this is the most relieved looking governor we’ve seen in a good long while. 

WE WAIT WITH BATED BREATH as the un-vaxxed are supposed to continue masking and distancing, because nobody wants them to get sick or worse… just like nobody wanted to call peoples to task before the vax came around. Sadly, count us dubious that the hesitant will comply, and we’re wondering what awaits them epidemiologically. 

JEERS to a City effort cataloguing, and we’re not making this up, neighborhood shortcuts. Of course, the translation in Bureaucrat is Active Travel Corridors, which are carless. We don’t like this at all. Once mapped, all the magic of knowing something nobody outside your neighborhood knows will be lost — and as a practical matter, elementary school kids will have one less place that’s secretly their own. Wait, this just in, Google has satellite images of your first kiss behind the bleachers kids, so, nevermind. [Great! Now Toby’s kissing the bleachers again.] 

CHEERS to outlawing the ‘gay panic’ defense in Oregon. Assuming the governor signs the bill, dudes won’t be able to attack, or even kill, another dude for crushing on them, and then later claim it was the gay of the other dude that made them do it. And yeah, our explanation was dumb, but this being a thing is even dumber. Shaking head in disbelief that this was ever a defense, moving to brighter topics… 

CHEERS to Grace Georg, competitive weightlifter badass. The Corvallis High student talks bulking and cutting, training and weird public perceptions around body image. JEERS to The Advocate for shamelessly promoting the interview here, it’s a 15 minute video, and honestly, a real treat. 

CHEERS to Grace’s dad commenting on our post of the video. “Yeah, it’s kind of mind-blowing that my little girl can lift the equivalent of me over her head,” and, “She’s so ready to face the world, and I’m so proud.”  

CHEERS for a teen vax clinic — it’s drop-in, so no appointment needed. Benton County reminds youngins  12 to 14 that they’ll need parental authorization, but they also say those 15 and up can just ignore their parents like usual. [Note: It’s not just the clinic talking here. State law says folks need not get parental consent once they hit age 15.] The clinic is scheduled for Thursday, May 20, from 11 am to 7:00 pm, and it’s totally free, and you don’t need an ID, and it’s free… but we already mentioned that. [*free!*] 

JEERS to neighboring Linn County requiring folks 15 through 17 to get parental consent for their vaccination, even though state law [and common sense] says counties shouldn’t do that. Hey, mom and dad, check out the latest funny insurance commercial… Hey Linn kids, while your parents are distracted by some dumb ad, we wanna suggest… for,um… no particular reason… that we suspect Benton County will vaccinate anyone age 15 or older. The Benton County release literally says, “No identification is needed to be vaccinated. Individuals do not have to be permanent Oregon residents.” Also kids, you didn’t hear any of this from us…because we’ve met your parents, and they scare us. 

PLOT TWIST: The $153 million renovation of Reser stadium, it was announced this week, will weirdly include a 9,000 to 10,000 foot Samaritan Wellness clinic. We think the clinic is a good idea, but how the whole concussed footie-ball thing is a good look for either organization is unclear, at least to us, but we’re journalists, what do we know about brain health. 

JEERS to the social fabric in this world that means not everyone gets to go to the same market as most everyone else — that we are this unjust economically, and reliably so. 

And CHEERS to everyone making free food available to the needy here in Corvallis, and around the university. Here’s a list of those places, for anyone that finds themselves in need, even though we believe we owe you more.