CHEERS & JEERS: Corvallis’ Sexual Mores, Independence Derp

OBVIOUS CHEER for the statewide unmasking. WE WAIT WITH BATED BREATH, cuz only time will tell if going fully nekkid in the face was a good idea… Until then, happy dance for seeing smiles. 

JEERS and a call to the Gazette-Times to cut a syndicated icon. Dear Abby, quite arguably an LGBTQ ally, has however, historically, taken a dim view of poly folk — a bent fully displayed in this Wednesday’s column. Here’s the skinny… the request for advice came from a grandma whose adult daughter has a husband and a boyfriend and all of the adults at said daughter’s house are hunky dory but… Abs advises the hyperbolic granny to seek custody of daughter’s children because… and wait for it… the granny SAYS one kiddo is terrified of mom’s boyfriend. Weirdly, the Abster jumps to the possibility of molestation… with no questions asked. Sooo, just wow, holy crap, and moving on… 

CHEERS to the mockumentary series Poly People, it’s hilarious, and who are we kidding, we can hardly wait for the hate mail because we said so. For the rest of you, we’d recommend popcorn for this five star funny freebie, but mama says don’t laugh so stinking hard with your mouth full.  

CHEERS for a Corvallis top five finish. We currently are among the five lowest Covid incidence of all metro areas nationwide. We’ve also consistently been one of the most vaccinated counties in the state. [Let’s all pat ourselves on our respective backs] 

CHEERS to the County for grants to farmers willing to try non-lethal means of controlling wildlife around their farms. Multiple studies show these deterrents really work, and the grants go up to $5,000 each… you need to apply by July 30 so go, go go! 

JEERS to another win for rape culture in Oregon, this time it’s the Portland Trail Blazers hiring Chauncey Ray Billups as head coach — yes, another dude that paid his way out of a rape allegation. Meanwhile, in McMinnville, Linfield College trustees react to being outed for sexual abuse by canning the prof telling the tale, and here in Corvallis, there’s F. King and OSU’s history of sweeping sexual assault under the rug 

PLOT NOTE: In the time it takes you to read this column, another woman will be raped in this country 

WE WAIT WITH BATED BREATH as the governor, spurred by a fireball burning 10,000 acres outside Dufur, invoked the Emergency Conflagration Act, and meanwhile, another 20 fires were touched off by lightning in Central Oregon. PLOT NOTES: In other climate change news, with much of the state in drought AGAIN, low water supplies are anticipated 

CHEERS to a pithy and on-point Oregon Wild.  Their analysis of this year’s legislative session is a worthy read from a worthy org… and like… you should click here, and read it… we’ll be here when you get back, we promise. 

FINALLY: Local social media has been replete this week with the pros and cons of fireworks as goes furry folk and PTSD sufferers… already overly litigated, we’ll not add to those arguments. Our posits are only these:  The Eagle Creek Fire, which scorched 50,000 acres in the Columbia River Gorge in 2017, was started by a firework. According to the U.S. Consumer Products Safety Commission, firework injuries led to 15,000 emergency room visits last year, and 18 deaths. Hmm, about 15% of thems visiting the emergency room… it was an eye thing… [In other words, don’t aim fireworks at your eyes, kids]  

EPILOGUE: The Declaration of Independence in its condemnation of the King, refers to America’s indigenous people, stating, “He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.” Bringing this up just before July 4th… Sorry not sorry.