CHEERS & JEERS: Corvallis is Weird, Wants a Recount

CHEERS to Corvallis, 10 square miles of utopia surrounded by reality. JEERS to the reality that Oregon folks seek online instruction about joining hate groups and making bombs more than residents of any other freaking state. 

WE MUSE that said would-be bomb-maker Oregonians could be sent to Mars on a nuclear rocket that NASA is looking at. Vishal Patel, a rocket scientist, recognizes that launching a nuclear reactor from earth might make some people nervous, but he says Ultra Safe Nuclear Corporation is working hard to make it…ultra safe. We repeat, and we’re not making this up, Ultra Safe Nuclear Corporation. If you click on the above link, treat yourself to imagining Jon Stewart reading the thing aloud. 

PLOTLINE: As neighboring Linn County moved from extreme to high COVID risk two weeks ago, they got to lower some restrictions on their business community. But, our own fair burg, remaining in the extreme risk category, was not so fortunate. Sooowhy not exclude university age patients from the case counts said some. And, at the time, Benton County Commission Chair Xan Augerot had an answer for them, saying “It’s hard to do that. That’s like closing one eye so you don’t see the problem.” 

PLOT TWIST: This week, Linn County moved from high to moderate COVID risk, and Benton County again stays in the extreme risk category. SoooAugerot now says, “The county is talking with the Oregon Health Authority about changing its metrics to account for testing intensity, adding “we are simultaneously voicing our concerns with the governor’s office.” 

BATED BREATH: Restaurant workers want a place in line for vaccinations alongside grocery workers, so they’re asking the state to be seen as ‘essential’ workers. According to grandmas everywhere, dining out is a luxury, and washing your own damn plate is a necessity, so we’ll see what the state decides. 

CHEERS to The Corvallis Advocate marking its ninth year this last week. 

JEERS to The Corvallis Advocate for this headline, whatever it was supposed to mean, “Charter Schools to Teachers Who Don’t Abuse: Oregon Lawmakers Face Multiple Education Bills.” Yep, this is what nine years of sleep deprivation looks like.  

JEERS: Oregon’s Republican party doubling-down their far right creds this week, selecting Dallas Heard as their new state party chair. Heard, a state senator from Roseburg, continues to support Donald Trump and the capitol rioters… but, pandemic restrictions not so much. So not your ma and pa’s GOP anymore, no siree. At least the Republican currently in the White House is a moderate.  

CHEERS to Oregon Republicans walking out of the state senate again this week. Why a cheer..? Familiarity, like those weird mint candies at the movies, they’re not good, but they give you a sense of place, reminding  you what you’re in for. This is the third year running for the GOP skedaddle – it’s like the hokey pokey, but for lawmakers.  

We wait with BATED BREATH for what’s underneath the iceberg at Corvallis’ Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The church is being sued for allowing one of its leaders to continue a pattern of sexual abuse through much of the 1980s. Will more claimants come forward? Hint, one of the lawyers filing the suit also represented plaintiffs against Boy Scouts of America in 2010. Currently, the firm has filed against the national headquarters of the church for what occurred at its Corvallis stake. 

JEERS to Pacific Power for its full page newspaper ads thanking everyone for their patience during the outages. We love the ad spend at various newspapers, but rather than the toxic positivity, we’d have preferred a straight-up apology and maybe a new task force geared to preventing such outages. Note, Advocate ads are a damn good deal.. Shameless, gross… yeah, we know.