Advocate Partners With Amazon: LOCAL

The Advocate is proud to announce Amazon Local as our new sponsor – we know you’re going to appreciate their deep roots in our shared community.

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos pointed to the partnership saying, “We’ve always felt like Corvallis is our home, and it is good to offer meaningful opportunities to our drivers and other houseguests.” Bezos, clarified, saying, “Look, small businesses essentially gave up even trying to promote themselves locally, so of course they’ve been folding tent while we employee increasing numbers of delivery drivers.”

Bezos also alluded that if the partnership works out, Amazon would consider building a large distribution center here, employing tens of workers.

In a prepared statement from the Advocate’s management team, top newspaper brass stated, “Our publisher did what with who? WTF.” Staff are elated, citing they’ll get a day off from fundraising so they can cover some news.

– Satire By April Pool