Linn-Benton Backwash

Mike Nearman, who the Gazette Times recently referred to as a “solid conservative,” (and I’d refer to as a solid butt dumper) is up against some opposition from independent, green, mauve curtains, dinosaur, big foot, and progressive party affiliated dude Danny Jaffer. Jaffer is a former Navy Pilot, which is a good selling point compared to Nearman’s… turd piloting? I dunno, I couldn’t think of anything. But either way, they disagree on damn near everything, and honestly, Jaffer could probably be a professional fart knocker and still come off looking pretty good next to Nearman’s membership in the angry white dudes butthurt club, Oregonians for Immigration Reform.

In other GT related news, I wanted to print a list of their most recent Letters section headlines. I found these to be the best way to stave off some confusion I’ve been experiencing about the upcoming election.

-Mania will speak for the future

-Vote Brown for the environment

-Corvallis needs Mater on council

-Back candidates who can lead

-Mania will work for Benton County

-Let’s add Napack to City Council

-Mania is best bet for commissioner

-Al-AbdRabbuh is best choice

Only no, I was joking. Now I’m confused AF. I think I’ll just do the whole “party lines” thing and call it a day.

Linn-Benton Backwash is a blahty-blah herpda berpda. These losers couldn’t even be bothered to run my column in print this week, so I’m sneaking in my own disclaimer. #ohsnap.

By Sam Campbell