Linn-Benton Backwash

As we near the end of summer, the entertaining side of the news cycle around here tends to slow to a crawl. My guess is that all of the crazies—along with everyone else—are finally taking a moment to breathe without all of the smoke and swamp-as*-inducing heat. I certainly can’t blame them—it’s 60 something degrees out and I’m currently sitting within two feet of an air conditioner just to be sure. Still, I can’t just turn to offering you syndicated material like: “The three weirdest ice cream shops in New York City.” Believe it or not, you actually have to pay for that sort of content. I think I’d rather stare at a blank page and use my imagination.

But yeah, so there’s some good-ish news, fancy that. Coppers started breaking up the homeless encampment across the river on the 31st, and rather than just being all like: “Get out! But first, show us your papers!”, they actually approached it with some compassion. Help was brought in, the grace period was extended, and they even offered to store some belongings for a bit before they were chucked in the dumpster. It’d be cool if nobody had to be homeless in the first place, but baby steps, right? Modern convenience, like my air conditioner, demands its pound of flesh! All hail the Dark Lord of Progress!

In sports excitement, Lebanon High football ran over Corvallis High football like a steamroller over a deep fried Twinkie recently. I used that simile because deep fried Twinkies are really ^&#$@! good, so like, even though it got ran over, I’d still eat it off the ground. Nevermind.

I’ll try again next week.

Linn-Benton Backwash is a barely-coherent satire with a teaspoon of white-knighting, a pinch of bald-faced lies, and a dash of pooptalk. In other words, don’t take it too seriously—nobody here does; especially the author.

By Sam Campbell