Linn-Benton Backwash

Let’s just get this out of the way right up front: I’m not a fan of Idaho. Love me some potats, hate me some Ida… tats. It’s because of speed traps, so thank your local Idahoan law enforcement officer, but that’s some bullsh*t and I hate you forever. Er, what was I going to say… oh yeah. A googley-eyed Idahoan turd (note: not in a stroller) by the name of Damian James Gaily led police on a wee bit of a chase last Friday, and was eventually arrested in Corvallis. He was driving drunk and getting pulled over for speeding, bada-bing bada-boom, bob’s your uncle, spike strips… blop blop. The end. Don’t drive drunk, you as*holes.

Hmm, what else sucks this week (because this week sucks, as you know)? Oregon State University has reported that it’s got 94 some odd students from countries that are blocked via the travel ban. Their status as students keeps them safe (at least temporarily), but hooray or whatever. Donald Trump is an as*hat’s as*hat, and I hope he’s pulled over by some cop sitting in the bushes near a speed limit sign that has been recently removed for construction the next time he visits Idaho. Because that happens.

Also in Corvallis, we have Lori McAllen, DMV employee. Hark! What is that? An investigation by the Oregon Department of Transportation? McAllen on (paid) administrative leave? Whatever could have happened, I query… or ponder… or whatever? Maybe it was this post she made on Facebook: “I personally think they should shoot them all at the border and call it good… It’ll save us hardworking AMERICAN’S (sic) billions of dollars on our taxes!! ;)”

Yeah, could’ve been that. Lori, if you’re reading this… have you thought about taking a trip to Idaho? I heard you’ve got some time off.

Linn-Benton Backwash is a barely-coherent satire with a teaspoon of white-knighting, a pinch of bald-faced lies, and dash of pooptalk. In other words, don’t take it too seriously – nobody here does; especially the author.

By Sam Campbell