Linn-Benton Backwash

EMERGENCY ALERT: Taco Bell’s Cravings Box is now $5.49 instead of $5 even, at least in Lebanon. This tragedy coincides with some kind of program they have asking customers to donate a dollar or two to the Taco Bell Foundation, which deposits cold, hard cash into grants and educational programs. That sounds great on the surface, but it’s awkward to donate extra money on top of a cheap meal that’s still like twice as much as the employee taking your order makes in an hour. I’d feel better about the whole thing if they were fairly compensated for what is essentially a thankless, grueling job. Or if the food wasn’t disgusting… I’d definitely feel better then, at least in my digestive tract.

Over in Sweet Home a bunch of volunteers and students just got suckered into laying down a brick wall as part of the town’s beautification efforts. May Week, as it is called, was created a long time ago to trick people into thinking free community labor was fun. I totally approve, and am currently laying plans to adapt May Week for my significant other. After all, this laundry isn’t going to wash itself.

Last week in Lebanon some bank employees saved a lady from a scam that would’ve shorted her $9,500 after she tried to withdraw the funds for her grandson’s schnozz, which was apparently broken. It’s like, da*nit. I almost had her. Should’ve used the Nigerian prince story.

Albany takes the crime cake this week, though: someone broke into a Burger King and managed to steal absolutely nothing. ::clears throat:: I guess not everyone has it their way. Get it? Because of the motto. Seriously though, I would’ve at least gotten some of those paper crowns.

Linn-Benton Backwash is a barely-coherent satire with a teaspoon of white-knighting, a pinch of bald-faced lies, and dash of pooptalk. In other words, don’t take it too seriously – nobody here does; especially the author.

By Sam Campbell