Linn-Benton Backwash

Last week, some guy threatened some people with a tire iron near Corvallis’ central park, and was eventually cited for being drunk AF and “menacing;” which as you all know is my favorite criminal charge ever. Too bad the event didn’t have a little, I dunno… a little, je ne sais quoi, though. Like, he could’ve been butt naked and covered in peanut butter, or sneaking around putting stickers on peoples’ cars like a total loser, whose only friends probably yank it to pictures of Dick Cheney wearing a diaper. Not that I can imagine who that might describe.

In other Corvallis news, it rained a bunch and was kind of cold out. So, there’s that.

Over in Albany, the First Assembly Church is having a bad week, as six men recently filed sex abuse charges against them and their corporate overseers. The charges stem from events that happened back in the 1980s and looks at the church’s failure to act upon or even look into police reports involving a youth pastor having been accused of sexual molestation. It also details allegations against two church leaders that were actually convicted for abusing young boys at one point already. I don’t actually have anything funny to say about this; I hope the whole organization gets what’s coming to them. Tw*ts.

The Lebanon Log: It’s been a while, but here’s a healthy dose…

February 19 kicks off this edition with five separate car break-ins, two arrests for contempt of court, and a church getting spray-painted (hey kids, there’s a church in Albany that’s just asking for it… but don’t do that, it’s illegal). Then on the 20th, two kids tried to steal a cart full of stuff from Wal-Mart and failed, while two other kids started punching each other out at the Lebanon High School as people just stood around and watched. Later in the evening, a woman stole stuff from Wal-Mart successfully, and a safe with over $200,000 in cash was stolen from a house on Second St. Wait. $200,000, really?

I’ve got 10 bucks on it either being a conspiracy theorist or a drug dealer. Who wants in on this?

By Johnny Beaver