Linn-Benton Backwash

For those of you in the know, tremendous douche bag Andrew Oswalt (who has held a seat in the Oregon State University student government), was recently arrested in relation to some vandalism back in June. He and another tremendous douche bag were caught on camera sticking offensive (to say the absolute least) bumper stickers on cars and dropping leaflets outside of the First Alternative Co Op. Since the video identifying him has come to light, other images have surfaced of this moron giving the Nazi salute off a freeway overpass, and other reports put him and even more tremendous douche bags at white supremacists’ rallies across the state, etc. Not to mention Oswalt also being identified as the one who put the confederate flag up across from the Corvallis black cultural center last year.

Clearly this guy needs a hobby, am I right? Someone get this tw*t a model airplane kit or a few Game of Thrones box sets (lots of Aryan intrigue there!).

In response to some questions from The Oregonian, Oswalt claimed he was an “ethno-nationalist” and gave the classic “prove me wrong!” speech that everyone knows is a thinly veiled, “I’m going to shift the burden of this argument to someone else because I don’t actually have a real point to make.” It gets really serious though when you come to this particular quote…


“With some exceptions, I have thus far been met with unchecked emotion, ad hominem, and lazy stereotyping.”

Oh damn. Nobody told me Oswalt had a copy of Latin Phrases for Beginner’s Debate handbook. Hold on, wait. Let’s start over. Changing my strategy. The real article starts here:

Is it just me, or do all white supremacists with beards look like they were scraped off of a wild pig’s belly and super glued to their face? Take Andrew Oswalt’s mug shot, for instance. Maybe it was an off day, but he kinda looks like Gollum f*cked a gothic smurf, came out totally hairless due to genetic inferiority, and was then given a makeover by whoever installed Mike Pence’s silver helmet. Hey, no worries though. Rule 34 being what it is, there’s still a lucrative career out there for Oswalt in the camslut industry. Until then, this guy is just another boring loser that’s only worth talking about because he has made himself an easy target.

By Johnny Beaver