Haunts of the Valley

Be afraid, be very afraid. That’s the point of haunted houses and corn mazes, right? Here’s your guide to all the local (and not quite so local) scares this season.

The Melon Shack
NE Garden Ave, Corvallis

Come nightfall, The Melon Shack’s kid-friendly corn maze transforms into a smoky scream fest filled with armed monsters: their only mission being to scare you senseless (or at least until you pee a little). Masked clowns manically laughing, bat-wielding dudes springing from the crops and clunking the metal on the ground around you, a woman softly singing as she follows you and your group, more dudes but with chainsaws — these are some of the many characters you’ll find creeping in the corn at night. Don’t worry though,these “scarers” are not allowed to touch you. On a similar note, you shouldn’t be touching them either. Nor should you be chucking any corn, which I guess happens so often that they have to mention it at the entrance.

The haunted maze is open Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays until October 28 from 7:30 to 10 p.m. Entry is $12 on Fridays and Saturdays, $10 on Sundays. 

The Frightuary
796 W 13th Ave, Eugene

The Frightuary consists of three different attractions all under one roof. There is a clown-themed Clown Town (go figure), a classic haunted mansion called Cryptwood Manor, and finally, a pitch-dark maze called You Go First, which features plenty of jump scares.

Tickets are $15 with discounts to military members and students. Dates and times vary, so check out their website at www.thefrightuary.com.

Millburn’s Haunted Manor
11503 Broadacres Rd NE, Hubbard

Hubbard is home to one of the state’s scariest haunted houses. Milburn’s Haunted Manor has received the Number One Scariest Haunt Award on OregonHauntedHouses.com and was featured on NPR last year. The house is haunted by Suzie and her parents who, by the way, she killed and dismembered in 1927 before hanging herself in the parlor — that’s the story at least. The site hosts a second attraction, The Dark, which invites scare-seekers to walk among zombies and ghouls in the pitch dark.

The Dark and The Manor are $12 each or $18 for a dual pass to both. Dates and times vary so visit www.milburnmanor.com to keep up to date.

The Fear PDX
12301 NE Glisan St, Portland

The Fear PDX is Portland’s largest Halloween Event. There are four themed haunted houses for your fear fixes. The Dark Carnival features creepy clowns while Dead City exposes you to zombies in a post-apocalyptic scenario. The Doll Factory has loads of creepy er, dolls, while The Manor brings more of a traditional haunted house experience.

The Fear PDX costs $30 for general admission and $45 for a VIP Fast Pass. It’s on the pricier end of things, but well worth it.

Haunted House:
A Zombie Experience
1600 NE 25 Ave, Hillsboro

Want to shoot some zombies? Of course you do. Haunted House: A Zombie Experience is here to make your dreams come true at the Oregon Airsoft Arena and Tactical Store. Choose your weapon and find allies along the way.

Entry is $10 and the haunted house runs from October 29 through October 31. Opening hours are Saturdays 6-11 p.m., Sundays and Mondays 6-10 p.m., and 5-11 p.m. on Halloween Day.

House of Shadows
1776 NW Fairview Drive, Gresham

Perhaps you’re not so easily spooked by things going bump in the night and would prefer to pump up the volume with some physical frights. If that’s the case look no further than House of Shadows, Oregon’s only full contact haunted house. Sticking to the popular clown theme, this year’s title is Carnevil, the caveat being that these creepy clowns are not afraid to get physical.

To learn more, visit www.scaredinoregon.com. Entry will cost you $30 for general admission and $40 for the VIP treatment. 

Dicky Wonka’s Haunted Strip Club Factory
Spyce Gentleman’s Club, 33 NW 2nd Ave, Portland

I saved the scariest attraction for last. Apparently in Portland you can go to Dicky Wonka’s Haunted Strip Club Factory for a more explicit or adult experience in a chocolate factory setting. As explained on their website, Dicky Wonka’s is a place “where questionable candies are as capacious as the surprisingly buxom oompa loompas, and where dangerous contraptions, creatures and enslavement have taken over the beloved chocolate factory.” I’m guessing that the actual scares aren’t too over the top, and the acting might not be at a Meryl Streep level, but hey, to each their own.

Expect an entry fee between $17 and $30 plus, you know, a crisp stack of Washingtons.

 

By Jonah Anderson

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