…Love loving animals is not so good.
Here in Oregon, along with most of the country, we follow a somewhat simple human-animal relationship etiquette. While primarily a no-holds-barred snugglefest, we draw the line when the snuggles get too intimate. Thanks to ORS 167.333, hanky-panky with Fluffy is considered sexual assault of an animal and a Class C felony.
Beyond hide-the-pickle this includes touching, using objects, or causing someone else to touch “the mouth, anus, or sex organs of an animal or animal carcass for the purpose of arousing or gratifying the sexual desire of a person” or vice versa.
A Class C felony carries a maximum sentence of five years of prison time and a fine of $125,000. Once charged with doin’ it doggy style, the court can order you to take a psychiatric evaluation and prohibit ownership of domestic animals and animals of the type you previously violated for up to 15 years.
Encouraging sexual assault of an animal is also a no-no. Possessing animal porn or actively encouraging your friends to touch your dog’s butt—specifically for purposes of arousal, mind you—is a Class A misdemeanor.
There have been a number of these cases in Oregon over the years. Who could forget Tony Hall-Rivas, convicted in 2013 of sneaking into a horse barn over a period of months and giving the geldings Jolly Ranchers… and later sex toys with lube? There was also the incident in 2009 where Brandon Vongthongthrip was convicted on 200 counts of aggravated animal abuse and 200 counts of sexual assault of an animal after posting pictures of himself—let’s say grooming the family dog—over a five-year period. A key part of his sentencing included five years of no contact with the dog. The dog’s name was not given.
If you love your animal so much that no boundaries can hold you apart, head to Texas or Nevada. Like several other states, zoophelia is either legal or not expressly prohibited. Whether you consider copulating with your furry friend abuse or just another frontier of love, one thing we can all agree on is that animals are great… just like, not that great.
By Anthony Vitale