Linn-Benton Backwash: Heaven’s to Betsy, it’s a dong!

On the 28th, some Corvallisite man-child apparently stole some of his parents’ checks for a bit of ye olde “forge n’ cash” operation. Because this was kind of a dumb thing to do, it ended in a bunch of charges, including the classically hilarious “identity theft.” Still, you gotta praise a youngster for even knowing what a check is.

Aaaaaand last week or so over in Lebanon, some guy whipped out a knife on someone down on Main Street, and then a dude with a concealed carry permit was like “That’s a knife? Hah. This is a knife” all Crocodile-Dundee style, only he had a gun and the knife-guy ran and got tackled and stuff. And some other stuff.

The highlight of the week, however, is the Andrew Douglas Campbell exhibit currently on display at LBCC’s North Santiam Gallery. “…And Then What Could Happen Bent to What Will Happen…” depicts men performing various sex acts. Of course, nobody cares what the medium is, or that this is only part of the exhibit… they just hear that there’s a man’s wing-dang-doogler being shown in another man’s rear and then lose their ^%#@! minds. Fire hydrants exploding, planes falling out of the sky, dinosaurs coming back to life. Donald Trump. At some point the police were involved, contributing to the discussion by stating that no crime had been committed because the works weren’t for sale.

For the record, there’s nothing about the last two statements that isn’t insane. A. Artists are already getting screwed all the time, and this could’ve been a criminal situation if the poor bastard had asked for compensation for his work? #facepalm… And B. Oh my *)#&@!, do you have any idea how many consensual wiener/butt encounters there are on a daily basis? Get over it already.

Look people, art is a package deal. You get it all, or you get nothing. Or at least that’s the way it should be in reasonable company. You want a record of contemporary human culture? You can’t cherry-pick that sh*t, you ^&%@!. And this is coming from a paper that puts ^%#@! and * instead of words and letters that most people already know by the time they’re six. Seriously, a huge windmill high-five to LBCC and everyone else involved in getting this work up and subsequently defending it. I’m proud to have studied art there as an undergrad.

By Johnny Beaver