Linn-Benton Backwash

Update: Mitch Xuan Dong, the victim who was attacked by Than Duy Kim has died. Kim’s charges have been altered to reflect the murder.

Hey, ever have some as*hole drive an automobile through your house? I have, and it was not fun. I lost access to my front door for like a week. And now, a Lebanon family gets to share in that same brand of suckage, because Mr. Haven Hansen decided to park his truck in their living room over the weekend. As it turns out, drinking and driving don’t mix. Go figure. Thankfully though, the residents of the home had gone to bed already, so they didn’t get smooshed. Hansen wasn’t hurt either, physically at least. Good lord, folks. Stay within the lines. The lines… they are our friends. This notion will become especially important for young Hansen as he becomes accustomed to bicycling everywhere for a while.

Last week Corvallis celebrated it’s 56,147th public mural to go up, making special mention of the three that are actually good. Protesters gathered to question the nature of subjectivity, but quickly dispersed amid rumors that a new Dutch Bros. had just opened. In all fairness, who can resist subjecting themselves to a three-hour line and bad techno?

On a lighter note, hear about the attempted murder at Corvallis Nail Spa last week? You have now. Someone went after someone who was seeing their ex-wife. Knives and a bat were used, and apparently a gun was even in play at some point. The alleged attacker, one Than Duy Kim, is facing like nine criminal counts. The victim of the attack was seriously injured, being placed on life support at Samaritan, and is not expected to live. In which case Kim’s attempted murder charge will be amended to straight up murder. Kim missed his status hearing due to a suicide attempt via pills, landing him another arrest warrant and an increased security amount of $3 million.

Local Sports Update: Eh… I wouldn’t want to depress you. Football… wrestling… oh, the humanity. Well, I guess the Beavers did beat Pine-Bluff in basketball. Nobody knows where or what Pine-Bluff is, but it’s something.