Linn-Benton Backwash

WATCH OUT FOLKS, THERE WAS AN AIR QUALITY WARNING LAST WEEK… well, I suppose it’s a bit late to warn you now. But at least you know I care, right? Anyhow, something burned, there was a lot of smoke, no biggie (understatement of the century, of course). I was up in Portland the day it was shrouded, and it didn’t look much different than it does on 4/20.

When I first heard about the Corvallis boy who helped dive for a woman’s phone, wallet, etc. after some sort of “let’s pull a lady around on an inter-tube using an airplane in the lake” situation, I thought to myself… why the hell did he give it all back? It took him a whole week to find the wallet itself, so there was plenty of time to make off with the thing. Seriously, what are you teaching your kids these days, parents? You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Over in Albany there was a pantsless dude passed out in his car on the side of I-5, so that’s cool. He had a female passenger who was also passed out, and so that’s cool too. They were both hit with DUI’s and possession of heroin and meth. At least they pulled over, right?

Over in Sweet Home the big Jamboree went off without a hitch. There was jamming and boree’ing, short-shorts, overalls, and Wynona Judd. And that’s why I didn’t go. Right around the corner in Lebanon I was getting a haircut, so I was already over my excitement limit anyhow.

Speaking of excitement, did you see that state representative Peter DeFazio visited the really expensive, time-consuming carousel in Albany? Whee. Honestly, I might toss back a few 40’s of Old E and hop on that thing too, if I worked in government right now.

By Johnny Beaver