Linn-Benton Backwash

Lots of baseball stuff happened this last week. Games were won, games were lost. People slid around in the dirt, and local media outlets wrote awkward headlines with words like “stymied” in them. Though a fair point to make is that they might only seem awkward to me.

Over in Lebanon this last Saturday, the Strawberry Festival went off—probably without a hitch. I slept through it, which is a bummer because I think the Shriners drive around in little cars. I can confirm that people marched, and that strawberries were involved. In the days leading up to the big to-do, dozens of chairs were lined up and chained to things along Main Street so people could reserve a spot with a view. I’m not sure if that’s even legal, but it’s an interesting spectacle. Kind of like if everyone just went out and pooped on the ground one day a year… the cops really gonna arrest them all? I think not.

Circling around to Albany, last week a woman was arraigned in relation to about 15 different counts of rape, sodomy, and the possession and trafficking of meth. She did not seem particularly pleased in her mug shot, believe it or not. Though honestly, she may just look like that all the time. Hard to tell. I generally steer clear of publications that run mug shot galleries, so I’m not an expert on the intricacies of this fine science.

The big news in Corvallis right now is that crash-and-burned frat Phi Delta Theta has reversed course in a big way. They scored 78 some odd counts of badness back in December 2015 and had their chapter shut down, but are now well on their way to being reinstated. In all seriousness, congratulations to the dudes of said frat for working so damn hard: completing thousands of hours of community service, etc. and turning something terrible into something good is worth a few (good) slaps on the back. More to the point, however… I’m thankful that this is the big news right now, considering all the terrible things that have happened recently.

By Johnny Beaver