Linn-Benton Backwash

linnbentonbackwash1Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Nope, it’s a cool-looking truck-tank thing and the Benton County Sheriff’s department just got one for the low, low price of free. Thanks to some kind of fancy federal program that turns over extra military stuff to police-types, our local peacekeepers have a brand new peacekeeper (that’s literally what it is called). They hope it might come in handy in the event of an active shooter situation, as it is heavily armored and looks like it could run over a baby triceratops. Damn, though… I bet that its gas mileage sucks.

In other triceratops-related news, two Eugenians were busted for meth on the 2nd after being pulled over on Highway 20. We here at The Advocate are still trying to find information on this “Eugene” place… Apparently it’s some kind of really huge city down I-5.

Backwash Memories: Just about one year ago today I wrote about a Relay for Life in Albany that was raffling off a gun as part of its fundraiser. That sh*t is still funny.

Last Thursday, an Albany resident by the name of Johanna Vonruden was bandied about in court in relation to her alleged crime of “fire some shots, stuff someone in her car, and drive to Costco.” Seriously, why the hell do so many Linn County criminals wind up getting busted in store parking lots? The Lebanon blotter is like 20 percent people getting arrested at Mega Foods and Walmart.

Lebanon might become a “Blue Zones demonstration community,” which from what I can tell is a really expensive program that tries to enforce healthy living practices that are similar to places that are… uh… healthy. Some locals are opposed to the multi-hundred-thousand dollar price tag, but I say go for it. Too many toothless shamblers rollin’ down Main Street.

By Johnny Beaver