Linn-Benton Backwash

linnbentonbackwash1So… on the 25th, a naked guy ran into the UPS store on Philomath Boulevard in Corvallis. At the tail end of his dash, he leaped upon an employee. The report says he was under the influence of something, but I think it’s safe to say the guy was just high on life.

Some Lebanon High School sports teams won again. It’s like dude, change it up a little.

Twilight Zone… Trump has threatened to defund “sanctuary cities,” or places that are not willing to spend a fortune investigating the immigration status of anyone they see that is brown. And basically because that is insane, they don’t actually exist. And now Linn County Sheriff Bruce Riley has stated that his county is not one of these nonexistent sanctuary places, because if they do conduct an investigation and find an immigration issue, they will report it. So Linn County is not a place that doesn’t exist, meaning it does exist. And if you happen to be non-white, they won’t be investigating your immigration status just for the hell of it, which makes them what Trump thinks is a sanctuary city… and those don’t exist, so. What the &*^#@? Is Linn County, real or not?

The Albany Democrat-Herald reported that actress Barbara Hale died. Of Perry Mason fame? Dude, they’re a small paper, why don’t you cut them a break? The Huffington Post got dibs on John Hurt. And us? We’re just waiting for Steve to kick the bucket (as are some of our more colorful detractors…), as he’s our only contract for death reporting. I thought the shoestring budget would’ve been obvious by now.

The Lebanon Log: On Jan. 21 some dude in Comcast gear demanded money and personal information from a woman living on Market Street. How this is unlike any actual Comcast employee, I cannot say.

By Johnny Beaver