First off, let me state that there’s nothing funny about violence. Except for slapstick, but that’s different. However, I found myself giggling just a wee bit to discover that one “Bradley Gentle” had been arrested for going ape-sh*t with a baseball bat at the Corvallis-Benton Public Library. Indeed, a man named Gentle attacked a couple of people with a bat… at a library. One victim was hit in the hand, and the other in the head, receiving a deep wound. The victim with the head wound told police he knew the attacker from the men’s cold weather shelter, but that the attack was seemingly unprovoked. More on this soon, I’m assuming.
In other fun Corvallis news, on the 11th some guy got pissed off that McDonald’s was closed and threw a bicycle while screaming obscenities. Just a few hours earlier on the same day someone named Andrew Richard Westmoreland allegedly headbutted someone else; though he claimed he was the one that had been headbutted. I guess it’s hard to tell, as two heads colliding probably results in damage to both. A real mystery, this one.
Last Sunday a gasoline truck got a little excited and leaked all over the place, prompting the Lebanon Fire District to race into action. When they got there they cleaned up the 30 gallons, lickety–split. One lickety–split is equal to 2.34 hours, roughly. I’m making that up. Also, regional Hazmat folks from Albany’s Fire Department helped. Good job, folks! Now, if only they could have gotten it into my gas tank.
BREAKING NEWS FROM LEBANON: Waterloo has a mayor. Yeah, they just got a new one… That’s how I found out. Had no idea. You learn something new every day. For literally everyone reading this, Waterloo is a hole in the ground near Lebanon.
The Lebanon Log will return next week, as there was way too much good stuff to include here without going over my word count. Please, write your local Congressman about getting me some more space.
By Johnny Beaver