Linn-Benton Backwash

linnbentonbackwash1Weather update: it’s cold out. Also, a big shout-out to Mother Nature for letting it snow enough to stop me from having to go to my editorial meeting, but not enough to screw up the first day of the term. You’re beautiful, I love ya!

Last week a water main on 29th between Arthur and Circle burst, but they fixed it pretty fast so… kinda boring. No offense to the customers who went a short while without water, but with Trump’s Twitter bungles tearing up the news media I’ve got to have something better to go on if I’m going to get anyone to pick this paper up ever again.

Speaking of, an a*shole in a green hat was seen driving around Lebanon in an off-road vehicle as soon as enough snow had fallen. I’m not saying who it was, but I’ve got frostbite because I’m too stupid to wear gloves. Rural living has its benefits. No, seriously. There are like, four of them.

The Philomath coach involved in that hazing case was convicted, but we already saw that coming. Second-degree criminal mistreatment. I guess that sounds kinda cool. Probably not enough to get any respect in The Joint, though I don’t think The Joint is included in a community service sentence.

Just in time to celebrate Trump’s inauguration, everyone in the mid-valley seems to be coming down with the flu. If you’re not already burning the candle at both ends, so to speak, I highly recommend wrapping yourself in plastic and having a trusted friend bury you in the cellar. I’m not sure how much this will actually help with avoiding sickness, it just sounds cool.

The Lebanon Log: And the winner of the Lebanon Holiday Season Prize goes to the guy that was stopped by police while chopping a sign down on South Williams Street with a machete. He was counseled on “better ways to deal with anger,” and had the machete taken away.

By Johnny Beaver