As the State Turns

New OSU Building to Redefine Elegance
As you may well know, our beloved Oregon State University has tentacles all over the place, including a bit of a presence in Newport. Said presence will soon swell by way of a throbbing architectural member dubbed the “Hatfield Marine Science Center.” Construction begins just over the bend in 2018, and is planned to take some amount of time I was too lazy to look up to be completed.

OSU, being very conscious of sustainability, environment, and some of that other yuppie stuff, unveiled a design last month that smartly reflects the building’s placement: smack dab in the middle of a tsunami danger zone. Their solution? A “vertical evacuation.” In layman’s terms, “a big as* ramp that goes from the ground to the roof.”

They say you get what you pay for, so I suppose a force shield or mass teleporter or something was out of the question for the 72,000 square foot, $50 million research center. The rather turn-of-the-century soviet option they sprung for is undoubtedly utilitarian and wheelchair accessible, but makes the entire structure look like someone dug up Frank Lloyd Wright’s corpse and coaxed it into designing a classroom portable.

While the city of Newport will have to install some traffic safety infrastructure in order to protect people from seeing it out their car windows, instantly falling asleep due to extreme boredom, and smashing into light poles, etc, there will at least be some rad mathematical kind of stuff going on inside. Busting up atoms and or whatever else it is they do in the marine sciences. And hey, in the very least, when a once-in-a-blue-moon snow poops itself out of the Newportian clouds, residents will have one hell of a spot to go sledding.

Your Tax Dollars at Work
I remember first discovering the joys of government as a pre-teen. Somehow I landed on C-SPAN while channel surfing for some whatever the hell it was I watched back then, and got a clip of British parliament. People were running around, wrestling, and I believe a punch was even thrown. I remember thinking, “well why the hell doesn’t this cool stuff happen here?” Little did I know, it most certainly does. Even in Oregon, land of the progressive spirit and cooperation and whatnot (ie. land where only one party is viable), we get an occasional dose of the good stuff. Case in point, a Multnomah County leadership meeting thingy the other day.

On the left you’ve got Commissioner Loretta Smith, and on the right Chairperson Deborah Kafoury. The board was talking about a motion to appoint somebody who could replace Kafoury if she cracked her head open or went psycho, or otherwise couldn’t do her job. At some point Kafoury goes, “this meeting is over, vote on this thing real quick you bastards,” but Smith was all like, “no wait, I need to talk to this sleazeball attorney over here about this thing that has to do with the thing.” Then Kafoury goes, “you’re done,” which is a quote I didn’t make up. Not that I made the others up.

Anyway, the gavel gets slammed a bunch of times and Kafoury gets up and goes, “bitch.”

Smith then talked to the press and told them all about how calling her a bitch was bad, and then Kafoury talked to the press and said sorry. She also noted, however, that she was pissed off because Smith was lobbing “egregious accusations” against her.

Whee. It’s not a punch, but I’ll take it.

That Train Thing
Don’t worry, we won’t talk about that here.

That Bundy Gang Nevada Mistrial Thing
We don’t be talking about that sh*t either. Good lord, how many times can these buttholes flagrantly violate the law and get off because the government can’t put a case together?

Activist Sues Portland Commissioner
Mimi German is a name you’ll probably already know if you’re into activism and pay attention to such comings and goings in the PDX area. A major advocate for the homeless, she has made a name for herself by repeatedly storming into city council meetings with other humans in tow and activist-ing all over the place to the point where said meetings have had to be shut down. Some people say she’s a nut bar, some a hero, but her most recent action has been hitting PDX Commissioner Chloe Eudaly with a civil lawsuit.

The claim states that Eudaly used her personal Facebook page to discuss German’s activities in a not-so-fresh way, and that it has resulted in people trolling her, etc. According to Oregonlive, German claims to have been experiencing nightmares and fears for her safety and security as a result. She’s also saying that Eudaly blocked a public records request regarding comments Eudaly made about German online.

According to reports, German is not the first to complain about Eudaly’s use of Facebook, but is the first to sue her over it. Are Eudaly’s Facebook comments a matter of public record? Her office says no, but I’m guessing that will go another way once it plays out in court.

Seriously, if you’re dumb enough to post this sort of stuff on Facebook as a public servant, you kind of deserve to be called out on it.

By Johnny Beaver