Pizza Delivery Drone Wars Admitted

pizza_1911869fWith the Corvallis metro enduring months of cheese-encrusted windshields and marinara-splattered evening walks, Corvallis Police Chief Cole Stover finally disclosed what most observers have long suspected: a pizzeria drone war has been escalating in the skies above our fair city, probably since August.

This week, Cole also disclosed that he has requested backup from the FAA as his office has failed to determine ownership of the drones that have been downed in the ongoing kerfuffle. In other words, these are probably black market drones.

Police have been roundly criticized for not responding earlier, but Stover said, “We didn’t have the resources when this started, but voters have approved the public safety levy, so we investigated and called the FAA.”

Arriving yesterday from the Portland District Office, FAA field investigator Mary Abernathy held a brief press conference at the downtown Voodoo Donut. “What most offenders in these cases don’t realize is that we can actually trace flight initiation locations, even for black market drones,” Abernathy said. “A deal can be struck here for someone to aid in prosecution. I really hate sucking up time outside of Portland or Seattle—you people don’t have even one live music venue down here, so I am having to commute back up to Portland every night.”

By Shellene March