Linn-Benton Backwash: Our Criminals Need a Better Education

linnbentonbackwash1A hilarious fraud attempt was reported in Corvallis last week after a supposed defense attorney called a man and basically said, “Hey, your pal is in jail. I can get the charges reduced if you buy four of these $500 iTunes gift cards.” Sadly, the person actually fell for it, which… I don’t… I don’t even… Whenever I hear about these scams I always think, “Good lord, can’t these criminals come up with a plausible story?” But you know, maybe that’s the key.

The next day a woman from Albany called the Benton County District Attorney’s Office and threatened to blow up the courthouse building if they didn’t release her boyfriend from jail. Apparently she called back and said sorry later—haha… Oh lord… yeah, she really did that. No arrests or citations. Well, alrighty then!

Corvallis High School basketball crushed Albany, and uh… all the kids are dumb! Uh oh, it’s in print, people are going to believe it! There, now school board officials have something to do with themselves this weekend.

A man who looks like he should probably wear a helmet broke into a circuit court judge’s garage at 7 a.m. so he could take a nap in the car. What circuit court, you ask? Ah yes, Linn County Circuit Court. But of course.

Lebanon city councilors voted to continue adding fluoride to the water when the new treatment plant is erected. The measure to add methamphetamine and Faygo fell short by just one vote.

The Lebanon Log: On Feb. 19 a woman was spotted pissing in the street somewhere. On Feb. 20, a man stole some serious &%@! jerky from Walmart, but it was recovered by their Asset Protection Strike Force. Three days later, a man was reported swinging a machete around “somewhere on Wheeler Street” and two dudes were reported for jumping off the roof of the old Post Office building. And of course, early that same morning someone ran over a mailbox and a horse was spotted in the road (both on Bellinger Scale Road).

By Johnny Beaver