Linn-Benton Backwash: Free-Range Turkeys… and Teens

linnbentonbackwash1Corvallis took a note out of Lebanon’s playbook on March 31 with a face-punching at Riva’s Taco Emporium (I can call it what I want, OK?). The puncher, one 22-year-old Pedro Blancas-Lopez, was extracted by police and charged with fourth degree assault… A little lackluster, but hey, it’s a start.

April 1 was an interesting day in Sweet Home, as a 10-year-old boy was arrested after he fired a pistol at a tree near the local high school football field. The kid couldn’t aim for sh*t, as further investigation led police to two bullet holes in a nearby house. According to neighbors, they had been hearing shots for quite some time. Tossed over to the Linn-Benton Juvenile Detention Facility, the kiddo was charged with unlawful possession of a firearm, criminal trespass while in possession of said firearm, criminal mischief, reckless endangerment, and discharging a firearm at a school. It’s like, damn, police, don’t you know it’s all about survival on them Sweet Home streets?

Everyone saw this coming, but last Sunday the Beavers’ women’s basketball team biffed it versus Number One Forever Huskies. Losing by 29 is painful, but it was pretty bada*s that they got there in the first place. But hey, maybe if the University of Connecticut burns down or something, we’ll get ‘em next time!

The Lebanon Log: The Lebanon Express recently ran a feature with the intention of letting the public know that yes, the police are aware of the wild turkeys running around town. I feel so vindicated right now, I can’t even describe it. First I want to thank my publisher, Steve Schultz, without whom I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to write about turkeys running around in Lebanon every week. Next, I’d like to thank all of you that have written letters and screamed obscenities at me over the last few years, because the joke’s on you, a*sholes. In your face. Last but not least, I’d like to thank the brave men, women, and sister-cousins of Lebanon, for without your foolish attempts at feeding these wild birds, this may have never been a story.

By Johnny Beaver

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