Linn-Benton Backwash: Blame the Gods — Very Cranky Edition

linnbentonbackwash1Last weekend, a man with a totally sweet beard and awesome glasses went to work in Albany. There he discovered that he couldn’t run credit cards because the network bill hadn’t been paid. Two hours later it still wasn’t working. Troubleshooting was done, then Comcast nitwits read off a prompt they didn’t understand over the phone for an hour, trying to fix it. Eventually it was discovered that Comcast had, in fact, not turned the service back on when they said they did… and didn’t seem to be aware of that fact. That man was me, and now I’m really cranky, so you’re getting a Very Cranky Edition of the Linn-Benton Backwash.

The new Gazette-Times/Democrat-Herald/Lebanon-Express website looks like two bad templates got horizontal and later gave deeply, deeply regretful birth to a mutant. That said, ours looks like it was hit over the head with a shovel, so let’s not keep score.

The Corvallis Boys & Girls Club is looking at a possible $6 million expansion. When I was a kid, I would have paid my mom $6 million not to drop me off at the one we lived near in California. I usually went with about $1.25 to $3 and went to the Rampage arcade machine, and any leftover change got consumed by the 40-year-old candy vending abyss (which probably explains my ulcer). Then I’d sit around avoiding kids for three hours, contemplating the vast darkness of  existence, until that old bag came to pick me up. And that’s why I am how I am now, OK? Thanks, Mom. Between this and swimming lessons, you really sealed the deal.

Last Thursday some old, angry dude was arrested after strangling a woman that he had assaulted earlier that day, breaking her rib. Slapped with strangulation and fourth-degree assault, this guy spit at officers and tried to kick them during the arrest. Sounds like a real as*hole.

Lebanon’s girls’ basketball ended their season by getting bamboozled by the La Salle High Falcons. With what we know of Warriors sports, it stands to reason they threw the match because they felt bad for the birds from up north. Either that or a cruel God intervened, which, given the fact that I had to talk to Comcast for an hour, seems plausible.

 The Lebanon Log: This time around, let’s look at the situation with Lebanon Superintendent Rob Hess’ performance review. There’s a lot of fiddle-faddle regarding the switch from open evaluations to a closed format, and at least one board member who was unable to weigh in (due to illness) has expressed dissatisfaction with the way the board has doled out his scores. Other board members are like, “Hey, we didn’t know.” And some other people said some other stuff. It’s actually all very boring, but I did want to take this opportunity to pick on him. How many performance points do you lose for writing letters about things without reading into them first?

By Johnny Beaver