Linn-Benton Backwash

linnbentonbackwash1As an OSU student in the liberal arts college, I was really impressed with the way the faculty handled what can only be described as post-election shock and depression. While there are a number of things I’m, shall we say, less impressed with in terms of the school in general, one thing they really got right was making available counseling after the toupee’d, gaseous fartbag turdknocker of a President-elect was appointed. I didn’t use it, or know anyone who did, but the gesture was a great bit of a relief on a very hard day. The food is still horribly expensive and the parking situation a tragedy unless you have money coming out of your a*s, but hey. Thanks for that.

I’m loathe to say this, folks, but I was wrong: people do know what water polo is. I mean, largely because of me poking fun at it, but still. They know, and I’m here to back up that interest with some really swell news: the West Albany girls’ water polo team wrecked defending state champions Newberg, with strong performances by two players in particular: Bailey Dickerson and ZaneVan Horsen. Oh yeah, they went on after that to win the championship against Westview. Almost forgot… minor details.

The Lebanon Log: On the 7th some “girls” moved a bunch of couches from a house to a gazebo in Ralston Park, then moved them back… exciting. Later that day some groceries were removed, without payment, from Grocery Outlet. (Go figure.) About an hour after that, someone called the cops to report poop, trash, and cigarette butts behind the Smiles Dental building. On the 10th, things got really crazy with the theft of a pair of antlers from someone’s porch,  as well as a home drug test being lifted with sticky fingers from Safeway. At 7 p.m., a man barfed all over himself and asked someone for money. Probably in that order.

By Johnny Beaver