The Great Power Outage of 2016 – That’s what they’ll call it for generations to come. So I’m minding my own business, out in Lebanon sometime early in the afternoon, and poof, the lights go off. I’m thinking, that’s cool, they don’t have technology out here… probably have to let the hamster out of the wheel for a pee break now and again, am I right? Well, it turns out the hamster took off for a joyride in the boss’ car, and I was left to my own devices for like seven hours or so—and all my devices require power. What did I take away from the experience? A newfound appreciation for wooden toys. No wonder people played with them back in the day… there was literally nothing else to do. Just like it is with election season, sometimes you have to choose your best worst option.
Last Friday night, firefighters spirited away one lovable dog beast from an apartment fire on Lilly Avenue. The two students that live there were thankfully not at home (a notion objected to by the dog, I’m sure). KGW out of Portland seems to think that every house fire has a dog that runs in and saves its owners, but I suppose out in these parts reality tends to strike. Life is hard enough with an event like this. Wishing the occupants luck towards a speedy return to normalcy.
On Thursday, a Corvallis woman looked through her peephole and believed there was a man in dark clothing outside, so she called the cops. Turned out it was just a bug on the lens. Apparently she told officers she was nervous because of a recent attack. I think we’re all really glad it was just a bug.
It looks like Travelocity has given Corvallis the prestigious rank of fourth in a category of small, metro-area beer destinations. Because these things are put together by computers rather than humans, we can forgive being off by one in terms of how many breweries we’ve got. After all, for some inexplicable reason it says Albany and Lebanon are also included. Calapooia Brewing is awesome, of course… but wtf, Travelocity? How dare you.
By Johnny Beaver