Linn-Benton Backwash

linnbentonbackwash1If you remember, a few weeks back I talked about a dog attack that occurred in McDonald Forest. Well, the saga has taken a shocking turn. McDonald representatives have reminded people (in official capacity, no less) of their common sense forest doggie duties. For example, is your dog a total meaner-neener, or does he or she fail to listen two out of every three times? Put that sh*t on a leash. Do not let an unleashed dog and a leashed dog interact, because one will get jealous, the other will respond with snide comments, and then a battle will occur that they both have been training for since they were mere pups. Seriously, you have to keep them subjugated, their dreams just out of reach… for if you do not, they shall rise up against you. Also… leashed dogs are to be feared, some humans don’t like your dog, and keep said dog in sight at all times so it won’t get snatched up by a giant bird.

I think I got all of that down right.

Albany had some sweet crime action a week and a half or so ago when a man broke into some woman’s barn and escaped with some furniture… but not before leaving a big ol’ fat sack of drugs behind. Thanks, bro! On the 25th it looks like someone flew by cops at 70 mph, ran from them, ditched the car and hopped over a few fences—and he totally got away. Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is motivation. Eat your heart out, Tony Robbins. Actually, don’t. That’s gross.

The water main rupture that shut down the LBCC Albany Campus on the 25th has turned out to have been due to a large blockage of human poop. Yes, I made that up. Just checking to make sure your sense of humor hasn’t accidentally evolved. Don’t ever say I don’t look out for my readers.

The Lebanon Log: The highlight of the 16th was a clown sighting near Taylor Street—and near Halloween, too. Maybe it was the same person who went down to the Justice Center to talk to the police about the rampant clown problem. On the 18th someone spun “cookies” on the local football practice field, but nobody near a city knows what that is. Later that evening came a cautionary tale for us all: a $2,500 DSLR camera was stolen from an unattended, parked car.

By Johnny Beaver