Linn-Benton Backwash

linnbentonbackwash1This morning I crawled out of my parent’s basement—thanks in part to that gentrification that’s not happening in Corvallis—and sat down, fired up the old laptop, and took a look at our friends over at the Gazette-Times. At the top of the site… some guy in scuba gear running across a river, which looks totally rad, a bit about trees coming down in the storm… and then three blocks of stuff about Beavers’ football. Well, that was anticlimactic… not that the Beavers aren’t great and stuff, at like, ruining downtown parking (I refuse to let this go). But I feel them, bro. Sometimes Corvallis is not, shall we say, full of exciting news.

But hey, check this out! Excitement! I suppose Lebanon doesn’t have a monopoly on turkeys in the road after all. It looks like there have been complaints and concerns, both from city councilors (who have known about this since last year… a conspiracy!) and other, more regular humans. The GT even got the scoop on a whole damn turkey party—the kind where a bunch of them roam around flipping off your kids and knocking over mailboxes, not the kind where people sit around the table and ravage a bird corpse. I’m not sure which is better, to be honest. Except that I’d rather have the rampage.

It looks like the West Albany Angry Dogs of Some Sort just finished ninth in terms of girls’ water polo. Whether ninth is good or not has, I’m sure, a lot to do with whether or not there are nine teams or 742 of them, but I’ve got no clue on that front. One positive thing I can say is that I keep forgetting water polo is even a sport. That’s positive, right?

The Lebanon Log: I learn a lot from this section of the column, such as this week, when I discovered what a “fence-charger” was after someone stole one from the Bi-Mart on the 7th. Or when on the 13th, a man requested to speak with police about the “clowns”—though I’m not sure what I got out of that. Still, practical skills are available. Three kids set a fire at the Cascades School a few days earlier on the 10th, then pissed on it to put it out. Good times, more next week.

By Johnny Beaver