Linn-Benton Backwash

linnbentonbackwash1School District Stuff
This week I received in the mail a message from the Corvallis School District called “We are the greatest, and super committed to diversity, here’s some more diverse stuff, and here’s the incontestable proof, OK? Also, diversity.” Or at least that’s what it would have been called if we lived on a more honest version of our Earth. Here? We get the “Corvallis School District Community Update, Spring 2016.”

Graduation rates for the economically disadvantaged (poor kids), as well as those in special education, Hispanics, and kids currently learning English (I do not envy you) are all way up as of last year from 2012. It’d be easy to ask what factor were actually contributing to that, but I think I’ll chalk it up to this school district being the greatest. After all, in the fancy “kitchen of the future” section on page 2, it mentions that 64% of students have been “issued technology devices for anytime, anywhere learning.” What exactly a “technology device” is, I doubt anyone knows… but in this case, I believe we’re talking about those iPads that had everyone pissed off. In which case, ouch.

Looking over the rest of the document I noticed numbers and graphics boasting 93% Internet access for students at home, and 77 “birth countries” represented. I mean, to be fair, the district didn’t really do much to make this happen unless they’ve played a little pinch ‘n’ squeal with local Comcast employees, or flew around the Earth impregnating people that were planning on relocating to Corvallis. Though if they did do that, damn… hats off!

Anyway, while this document is obviously silly, it has to be. We all know about the politics involved. That said, I’ve seen poorly run districts, and this isn’t one of them. Even having the time and resources to piss people off about iPads is a sign that if you’ve got a kid in school here, they’re being looked after. And also, diversity.

And Now for Some… Other… Stuff
For the second time in two weeks someone has stolen a key and used it to steal cash from the OSU Robotics Club at Dearborn Hall. This kinda %$@! is what started Skynet, homie.

Last week there was a “Dress Like a Hippie” contest at LBCC Albany’s campus that no one present has currently been able to unsee. On the plus side, Goodwill, which takes advantage of their disabled employees but not the Earth, saw a spike in “weird clothes” purchases during the week leading up to the event.

Micro Lebanon Log: On April 16, a flower pot was stolen from the front of Gateway Imprints. You know, because it wasn’t nailed down.

By Johnny Beaver