8 Days a Week

RustyHinges_Thursday5Thursday, 5

Rusty Hinges, Calapooia Brewing, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 7:30 p.m. Free

Yeah, if you live here, you probably don’t need much background on this one. Rusty Hinges is one of Corvallis’ most loyal and beloved bluegrass acts. They play the ‘Pooia a lot, so don’t lose sleep if you can’t make it to this show. Something tells me they’ll be back. Unless, wait, is this their farewell show? If it is, I meant no disrespect, and you better not miss this show. If it isn’t, I still meant no disrespect, but I’ll probably be at home eating schnitzel and pouring gravy on my chest. Tell me how the show goes.


Open Source Improv, Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 9 p.m. Free

Don’t you love improv comedy? I know I do. Especially when it’s free. If you aren’t burnt out on improv this week between seeing Improv Smackdown at the Majestic and reading this column, you’re in luck, because there’s Open Source Thursday. What’s that? You didn’t know this column was technically improv? You couldn’t tell by the almost frenetic, stream-of-consciousness pace of the writing? You couldn’t feel it from the loose, edgy style and quality of the jokes? I type everything in one go; no pauses, no backspaces, and no editing. That’s why it’s always so funny. And so mistake-free. JoiN mi 4 Opin Sorce improve at Clowd and kelllsbhjskdhjbc…@

Friday, 6

Alice in Wonderland, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 7:30 p.m. $16 to $18

This is one of the Majestic’s ambitious and ridiculous productions that make you glad the Majestic is part of our town. Not just Alice in Wonderland, but also Through the Looking Glass, with a huge cast of local kids and adults, including a devastatingly handsome and talented relative newcomer in the role of the Mad Hatter. Anyone who saw the Tim Burton version of Alice knows the Mad Hatter is basically the star of the whole show. I’m not going to ruin the surprise for you and tell you who is playing the hatter, but let’s just say I think he’s amazing and you’ll all love him. What better thing could you possible have to do than this? Tickets are still remarkably available.


Black Delany and Captain Wail & the Harpoons, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. $5

I’m a supporter of local punk, no matter what the locality actually is, so when it’s here that’s like a bonus. Captain Wail was just here a week ago with Wups, and they’re really good. They deal in a sort of mellow-hard rock that I like. Black Delany is some of Eugene’s finest punk and they’re welcome around here any old time. You like how I took the initiative and welcomed them on your behalf? I’ve anointed myself…



Saturday, 7

Spring Drag Show, LaSells Stewart Center, 875 SW 26th St. 6:30 & 9 p.m. $5 (free for OSU students)

The fact that this is called the Spring Drag Show suggests they do these only seasonally? That’s bonkers. There should be well-attended drag shows in town on a bi-weekly basis, at minimum. But let me guess, you do have some folk bands for me, right? I’m not really sure what you can expect at this show, because details are sketchy so far, but I’m sure it will be fun. Dress noisy and enjoy yourself. You know, the Svens would be a great band to warm up for this show with. I wish they were playing, too…

The Svens, Spindrift Cellars, 810 Applegate St., Philomath. 12 p.m. $5 in advance, $7 at the door

Oh my God! Hi there, providence! The Svens at noon at a winery? That’s perfect. Then you can stumble on into the Spring Drag Show and enjoy yourself. The Svens are Corvallis’ favorite cowboy surf poets, a surprisingly competitive category, so don’t take that achievement for granted. They’ll be weirding out the kiddies at Spindrift at noon, and there’s plenty of delicious food and wine on hand, plus it’s within walking distance to my house, so I’ll definitely be there. I’ll be the guy passed out in front with penises drawn on my face in permanent marker. Don’t look at me that way, it’s not from drinking too much, I have a rare condition…


Sunday, 8

Naked Naps, Ari & Her Banjo and Weese, Interzone, 1563 NW Monroe Ave. 7 p.m.

Corvallis DIY is one again giving you the opportunity to do it yourself. And that’s awful nice of them, he said in a sarcastically patronizing voice. That’s right, I don’t need any permission to do it myself and I do so on the straight-up regular. But I do appreciate that CDIY brings in bands from out of town, like Naked Naps, in from Raleigh, NC, and indie folkster Ari from Springfield. This looks like it will be a fun and eclectic show, but let me just point out, on their website, Naked Naps identifies Corvallis as being in California. So know that going in.




Alice in Wonderland, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 2:30 p.m. $16 to $18

Let’s just say you’re an adult, age 18 to 94, or a child, age 0 to 17, you’re surely sitting there looking for the perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon. Well, I can’t necessarily help you with that, but I can offer you this wonderful diversion. It’s Lewis Carroll’s classic, with special effects, puppetry, children, massive sets, crazy costumes, and me. That’s right, if you’ve been sitting at home biding your time, waiting for the opportunity to go all Robert De Niro in the The Fan on me, this is it. Or maybe you’ve been waiting for the opportunity to se me fall flat on a big stage (not much luck there, spoiler alert: I kill it). Either way, this is a moderately priced way to live out all those psychotic fantasies.


Monday, 9

Science Pub, Old World Deli, 341 SW 2nd St. 6 p.m. Free
The only thing that goes better with corned beef than a pickle, and it’s right here at Old World Deli once a month. Science Pub is one of the only ways I even learn any science. If it weren’t for this event, I’d be on your front lawn with a pitchfork and a torch demanding to know by what sorcery you’ve harnessed the moving images on your TV screen. This time around it will be Rebecca Vega-Thurber from OSU’s College of Science explaining the Coral Microbiome Project. Considering there was just an announcement this past week that basically all the world’s corals are totally f*cked, this will be a particularly interesting talk.


Bryson Skaar, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7 p.m. Free

Bryson Skaar has played more Monday nights than Emmitt Smith. Boom! Timely summer NFL jokes. Look, the way it works is I think of ‘em, and then I type ‘em. If they don’t really fit the season, but they’re gold, as in the case of that first sentence, what am I going to do? Sit on it for four months until football season starts? You see the predicament. For this and more cutting-edge information about Corvallis’ favorite free jazz pianist, continue reading this column every week. Because, seriously, Bryson has Monday nights locked down.



Tuesday, 10

Community Movie Night with Ygal Kaufman, Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 7 p.m. Free

Nothing goes better with a big screen, popcorn, live music, newsreels, cartoons, and historical introduction from me than noir. Oh hi there, one of the best noir films ever made? What a coincidence. It’s not a coincidence, though, is it? CMNYK doesn’t just happen. I just want you to pause for a moment and give thanks. To the unexplained editing gnomes that deposit a whole weekly show on my computer every Monday night so it’s ready to go the next day. I literally do nothing. This week’s film is the brilliant noir classic The Big Combo (1955), starring Richard Conte, Jean Wallace, and the great Cornel Wilde. Come get it.


Celtic Jam, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7 p.m. Free

The Celtics may be out of the playoffs, but the jams don’t have to stop. If your idea of a crazy Tuesday night includes flute, violin, and mandolin playing tunes that can only be accurately described as “ditties,” then sh*t is about to get really crazy. We often take the time to thank the Majestic or other local art exhibitioners for their hard work, but sometimes we forget to give the props due to our locals who turn out every week and provide free entertainment on a reliable schedule. And I’m not just talking about our lovely Celtic jammers here at the ‘Gine. I’m also looking at you, guy who masturbates behind the dumpsters in the back of the McDonalds on 3rd.

Wednesday, 11

2016 OSAA State Band Championships, LaSells Stewart Center, 875 SW 26th St. 6 p.m. $8 ($5 for students)

I was president of my high school orchestra, so I think you all will join me in looking down your nose at the band kids, right? No? Alright, I guess I misread the room on that one. If you like high school band music competition, this day is going to be pretty much heaven for you. The cost of $5 to $8 gets you a whole day of pimple-faced teens playing John Philip Souza and marching band-ified versions of TLC songs. There’s really only so many times you can hear Waterfalls on trombone before you want to off yourself, but this should still be pretty awesome.

Chuck Holst & Gary Rowles, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 8:30 p.m. Free

Did Chuck and Gary take a month off or something? I feel like it’s been more than 30 days since the last time I reminded you that Corvallis’ resident rock god still kicks out the jams once a month for free. Gary Rowles, former lead guitarist of the seminal genre benders, Love, plays soft rock classics and originals with his ace, Chuck Holst. And if you choose to skip it, I pity you and your sad, uncultured world. Don’t get it twisted, this is our resident classic rock god, and he really can’t be expected to play to a half-empty room and a half-filled bowl of green skittles. I mean, he can, but it’s messed up…

Thursday, 12

Acoustic Open Mic, Imagine Coffee, 5460 Philomath Blvd. 7 p.m. Free

This acoustic open mic series that bounces around locations is quickly becoming one of Corvallis’ most fun and unpredictable nights of free music. Not Buckaroo-Banzai fun and unpredictable, but still pretty good. One thing that has definitely been missing, though, is a band driven by kalimba, accordion, and throat-singing. Ever since Sinead O’Connor fell off, it feels like people just don’t roll the dice on ballsy world music anymore. Am I crazy?

Wild Hog in the Woods, Calapooia Brewing 140 Hill St. NE, Albany. 7:30 p.m. Free
If there’s two things you can count on in the greater Corvallis metropolitan region, it’s being late to the table with whatever the new slang is, and Wild Hog. These guys are as reliable as salt ‘n’ vinegar chips and sunrises, and they’re back. So if you like your Americana grizzled and covered with facial hair, buckle up. This is a great show to come to if you sort of want to see the Duck Dynasty guys playing in a band, but hate the Duck Dynasty guys and would prefer some dudes marginally more well-kempt and significantly less obnoxious. It’s also a great show to come to if you’re an alcoholic, because news flash: it’s at a bar.