8 Days a Week…

3-4-Silver_Thursday28Thursday, 28

Three for Silver and Vandfald, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Free

Bombs is tossing you a Thursday freebie with a beer tasting followed by local favorites Vandfald and Portland roots-sters Three for Silver. This is a good, solid show that I would recommend to not only beginning show-goers, but also veterans of the standing-there-listening-to-local-bands-play scene. Also, buy some merch, because it’s how these guys eat. I mean, other than their day jobs which are probably as coders or some other job where they make insanely good money… You know what? In fact, if anything, these guys should pay you a cover! Am I right? No? Oh, OK, very well then. Just go, I guess.


McLintock! Marys River Grange Movie Night, 24707 Grange Hall Rd., Philomath. 7 p.m. Free

It’s John bleep bleepin’ Wayne. For free, at the homey-est grange on the Western seaboard. The Duke and Maureen O’Hara star in the old-fashioned western comedy romp that also features a young Stefanie Powers and the Duke’s son, Patrick Wayne. If you don’t know what’s happening at your local grange, you are just missing out. There’s never been a better time to join up, and never been a better event to get your feet wet at. One dollar bottomless popcorn and free classics with newsreels and cartoons, for free. Yeah, it’s pretty much perfect.


Friday, 29

Improv Smackdown, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 7:30 p.m. $10 to $12

This is a much less violent event than the name suggests. But if we’re taking suggestions, has anyone ever considered the comedic possibilities of introducing a pair of boxing gloves and an angry person to an improv routine? They’d be all, “Can someone in the audience throw out an adjective, a noun and a verb…” and Boxey Monroe would be all KABLAMMO (punches someone in the face). I recognize we may have different ideas of comedy, but this will undoubtedly be a fun night. Oh, and yes, I did name the hypothetical punching character in this improv troupe Boxey Monroe. I’m a creative.

Linden Wood, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. $5

I’m almost a thousand percent certain I’ve made some form of this joke before, but here goes again. Linden Wood rules, and is a staple of the Corvallis shred-scene. He’s a guitar mangler. But let’s not mince words; his name sounds like a flavor of air freshener. So to be clear, he is one of Corvallis’ musical gems and a stalwart of the Willamette Valley artistic scene. And he’s so Oregon, he has a birthmark in the shape of a Doug fir on his dick. But, and I mean this in the nicest, most respectful way possible, I spray a little Linden Wood in the air whenever it smells like someone just took a dump in the office bathroom. Metal.


Saturday, 30

Roy Wood Jr. and Kyle Dunnigan, LaSells Stewart Center, 875 SW 26th St. 6:30 & 9 p.m. $34 to $36

Are you ready to laugh? I said, are you ready to laugh? Because the hilarious and recognizable Wood & Dunnigan will be in town to activate your funny bone with rib-tickling hilarity. Who knows what other bones may get a workout? Dunnigan is probably most well-known from his turn as Craig on Reno 911! and his current work inside Amy Schumer—sorry, that should read on Inside Amy Schumer. Wood is the new rock star correspondent on The Daily Show, which is akin to being the new young hotshot crewman on the Titanic. Impressive, if not destined for a long run. Both these guys are funny as sh*t though, and this is a markedly more impressive lineup than when they had Paula Poundstone a couple years ago. I like my comedy with a little edge. This isn’t Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me.


DTW, Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 10 p.m. Unknown Cover… Spooky

It’s everyone’s favorite band of handsome funkmasters. DTW is back in action, and between this and Funk in the Forest, you’re pretty much going to want these guys to go and funk themselves after the next few weeks. You’ll just be sick as funk of them and eager to see them get the funk outta Dodge, so to speak. There are members of Manhattan on the Rocks, a local group of jazz heavy hitters, and The Van Meyers, a local group of art-jazz luminaries, all jumbled up in DTW, so you’re bound to find something you like. As long as you like getting funkier than a motherfunker. Yeah, I’m pretty much going to choke the funking life out of this joke. I’m funky that way.


Sunday, 1

Vadim Kholodenko, LaSells Stewart Center, 875 SW 26th St. 4 p.m. $25 (free for students 18 and under)

Kholodenko is a 29-year-old international piano phenom and the most recent winner of the gold medal in the Van Cliburn Piano Competition, held every four years in Texas. He’s here to show us the piano chops that had Texans saying (for the first time ever) “You know what? Another TV show about barbecuing and steaks in general is not enthralling enough for us. Let’s go see this Russian fellow play the piano.” He’s actually Ukranian, but you know, baby steps. For stereotype-driven jokes like this and others, come hang out with me. For world class piano in an elegant setting, check out this offering from Corvallis-OSU Piano International.


Lemonade Day Corvallis, All Over Town. All Day. Varying Prices

What the f*ck is this? I have no idea. If I understand it correctly, to teach kids (and perhaps adults as well) about how a business works, everyone in town is going to be opening lemonade stands? These kids are going to learn a lot, but methinks the first thing they’re going to go face-smashing into is the law of supply and demand. Still, this is an undeniably really cool idea that has apparently worked elsewhere. So why not here? There are still tons of opportunities to volunteer, participate, and other things. I volunteer to drink some lemonade.


Monday, 2

Eva Mozes Kor, LaSells Stewart Center, 875 SW 26th St. 7:30 p.m. Free
Well if this isn’t the most interesting thing to be happening in the whole state this Monday night, I’d be shocked. Holocaust survivor Eva Mozes Kor will be at LaSells giving a talk entitled “On Forgiveness and Dr. Mengele.” Kor and her twin sister Miriam were taken to Auschwitz and experimented on by the famously evil Nazi Dr. Josef Mengele. After surviving the horrors of the concentration camps, she went on to live a fascinating life, including the founding of CANDLES, an organization that helps survivors and their families. She made news again in April of last year when she publicly testified against former Nazi Oscar Groning, and then publicly forgave him and embraced him in the courtroom. If you can’t make it to this talk, she’s also giving the same lecture on Sunday, May 1 at 4 p.m.

Bryson Skaar, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7 p.m. Free

Bryson showing absolutely no fear with an international master in town from Texas. Our local guru of free jazz piano, Bryson, just plans to mosey on up to ol’ Vlad Kholodenko, the Texas Tornado of the ivories, and challenge him to a piano duel. This is according to some hot breaking news I got over walkie-talkie connection with Bryson Skaar himself. That’s how I gather news for you all: walkie-talkies, cans connected by string and straight-up falsified rumors. Speaking of which, Herbie Hancock will be making an appearance at this Bryson show. True story!



Tuesday, 3

Community Movie Night with Ygal Kaufman, Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 7 p.m. Free

People often ask me, “How do you choose the movies for CMNYK?” To which I often respond, “What, are you trying to steal my ideas? Huh? Is that it? I’ll kill you!” Usually while waving a knife around with a hysterical look in my eyes. But to really answer this question, I choose movies that I think will blow your minds. Films you may not have heard of that are wonderful classics. Oh yeah, and star-power. Raw, filthy, sweaty star-power. You ever hear of Jimmy Stewart? Making his first CMNYK appearance alongside the great Carole Lombard (making her third), Stewart stars in the romantic comedy Made for Each Other (1939). With newsreels, cartoons, live music, and more. Don’t make me hate you. Just come.


Celtic Jam, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7 p.m. Free

Jeez, stiff competish for the Celtic Jammers. If you’re not in the mood for NBA playoff basketball, Community Movie Night featuring a Jimmy Stewart movie, or staying at home and fighting with your family, there’s this excellent fourth option. Celtic Jam is one of my favorite nights of free music in town. Celtic Jam is so good, missing it every week is slowly killing you. Think about it—you didn’t go last week, did you? And now you’re one week closer to death. Boom. Your mind being blown for you is completely on the house, as is this wonderful Irish music jam.

Wednesday, 4

Hitler’s Children, LaSells Stewart Center, 875 SW 26th St. 4 p.m. Free

As part of Holocaust Remembrance Week on campus, this 2011 documentary by Israeli filmmaker Chanoch Ze’evi will be screened. The ancestors of Nazi monsters such as Hoess, Goering, and Himmler are profiled in this film that asks important and profound questions about the concept of guilt, responsibility, love, and forgiveness. LaSells is basically the HQ for all these wonderful events, and this is one of the most interesting experiences in the lot. This will be an especially important film to be taken in if you went to see Eva Mozes Kor speak on Sunday or Monday night. Which you all did, right?

Open Mic! Calapooia Brewing, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 7:30 p.m. Free

These open mic nights are popping up all over town. I can only assume there’s something in the water. I mean besides fluoride. Or is it possible that fluoride causes amateurs to start bands? Holy f*ck. I just stumbled on some sh*t. Think about it; when’s the last time you saw a little café or bar hosting an open mic night in a Third World setting where the water is un-fluoridated? That’s right, never. Go brush your teeth and support local music.

Thursday, 5

Rusty Hinges, Calapooia Brewing, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 7:30 p.m. Free

Yeah, if you live here, you probably don’t need much background on this one. Rusty Hinges is one of Corvallis’ most loyal and beloved bluegrass acts. They play the ‘Pooia a lot, so don’t lose sleep if you can’t make it to this show. Something tells me they’ll be back. Unless, wait, is this their farewell show? If it is, I meant no disrespect, and you better not miss this show. If it isn’t, I still meant no disrespect, but I’ll probably be at home eating schnitzel and pouring gravy on my chest. Tell me how the show goes.


Open Source Improv, Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 9 p.m. Free

Don’t you love improv comedy? I know I do. Especially when it’s free. If you aren’t burnt out on improv this week between seeing Improv Smackdown at the Majestic and reading this column, you’re in luck, because there’s Open Source Thursday. What’s that? You didn’t know this column was technically improv? You couldn’t tell by the almost frenetic, stream-of-consciousness pace of the writing? You couldn’t feel it from the loose, edgy style and quality of the jokes? I type everything in one go; no pauses, no backspaces, and no editing. That’s why it’s always so funny. And so mistake-free. JoiN mi 4 Opin Sorce improve at Clowd and kelllsbhjskdhjbc…@