Oregonian Seeking Stoner

stonerExcited about pot? Interested in making your name as an official expert in the marijuana-smoker field, because, dude, you already know you are? The Oregonian has a job for you.

Portland’s leading paper is looking to fill a new part-time position: pot critic. The Oregonian has issued a help wanted ad looking for that just right person that can fulfill the following criteria:

Smokes weed—a lot of it. Knows enough about different strains, perhaps enough to tell the difference between a breezy outdoor sativa and a heavy, mind-numbing indica. Can describe this difference in a way readers will understand, despite being stoned. Has a legal medical card and frequents some of Oregon’s 200-or-so legal dispensaries on a regular basis. Wants to educate the public on, you got it, what it’s like to be high.

It’s understandable why serious cannabis coverage must be important to The Oregonian and its followers. Legal weed is important to Pacific Northwest citizens, who care equally about social justice and being able to sit back and play video games after work.

According to Oregonian reporter Noelle Crombie’s Twitter updates, over 400 people have already applied for the position, and editors have seen some “impressive resumes” from (somewhat) surprising sources such as lawyers and private university graduates.

However, the offer has not gone without criticism, especially from Portland’s premier alt weekly, Willamette Week. In a recent article, Willamette Week spurned The Oregonian’s job ad for its supposed hypocrisy in hiring a freelance pot critic due to the fact that The Oregonian’s parent company, Advance Publications, mandates drug testing for all employees.

“Don’t expect to be hired full-time,” warned WW writer Aaron Mesh. WW’s request for more info regarding The Oregonian’s employee drug use policies went unanswered.

In addition to being OK with a freelance-only position, wannabe weed aficionados must remember that an OMMP card is necessary for the opening, which involves reviewing edibles. Sales of edibles, concentrates, and other bud byproducts won’t be legal until recreational marijuana stores open sometime next year. Oh wait, many of the medical dispensaries got the go-ahead to sell to recreational users starting Oct. 1, which someone could tell The Oregonian.

 If you’re still interested in filling this highly prestigious position, send a resume written on rolling papers to Oregonian editor Bruce Hammond at brucehammond@oregonian.com. Good luck, kids.

By Kiki Genoa