Linn-Benton Backwash 

By Johnny Beaver

linnbentonbackwashLast week Albany was awash with car break-ins, arrests of youngsters, methamphetamine, stolen credit cards and, from an associated photo, what appear to be incredibly fake eyebrows. One Lebanon resident was shocked  by these developments, so much so that he nearly tripped down some steps after stealing a case of “pop” off of a neighbor’s porch.

A man dressed like he stole his disguise from an extra in Jerry Maguire robbed the Northwest Community Credit Union on Waverly Drive in Albany last Friday. If you see a goofy-looking jerk pushing a shopping cart with two dozen barrels of cheesy poofs up to the counter at Walmart, call your local police department.

The Lebanon Log, Jan. 30: Mail and license plates were stolen, the cops seized “marijuana cigarettes,” a door was spray-painted, two emus blocked traffic and an officer “wrangled” them, a fence was damaged, someone failed at stealing a TV from Walmart, a forged $20 bill was found at a bank, someone in pants and a hoody was reported lurking, cops bounced a man from 7-11, a car window was broken, pipes were pulled off of a heating pump at a house, and a Lincoln slammed into a Toyota 4Runner.