A man by the name of Nantharath Thilavans (I’m serious) picked a fight with Lincoln County deputies and lost, suffering pepper spray, a taser, and finally a gunshot. First he was taken to a hospital in Newport, but officials on the scene instantly recognized the stupidity of his crime and shipped him to Good Samaritan here in Corvallis where… ugh. I just took my last final. Way too exhausted to find a stretch that make this a local connection.
Some recent, unpaid visitors to the Corvallis Gazette-Times were greeted by a “take this survey or you can’t read the article” survey that poked around whether or not they’d be visiting the Middle East in the near future. Myself, I answered, “Yes, clearly” and the next day received a letter stating my passport had been revoked by Donald Trump’s hair beast.
OSU’s Phi Delta Theta frat has been suspended and its two leaders, Ben Bellman and Camrom Stevens, are charged with nearly 80 counts of providing hooch to and hosting a party for minors. They had that many minors there? And wait, it was a “toga” party? Hahaha. How lame. They should be charged with one fat count of not knowing how to party. Way to cliché, boys!
Lebanon City Hall closed for possible asbestos, but opened again soon after area scientists determined it was just a bunch of mothballs.
Someone in Sweet Home reported their purse stolen on Dec. 9, claiming a loss of $1,500. The Guinness Book of World Records is seeking her contact information as no one in the area has ever carried that much around at once before (except for Kevin Costner, but that’s just a rumor started by the Sweet Home Cultural Appropriations Committee).
On Dec. 10 in Mill City a woman reported being attacked by the British at the local Circle K. Er, I mean two white guys in red coats with blond hair.
The Lebanon Log: Between Dec. 4 and
Dec. 10, people in Lebanon stole a whole lot of random stuff in Lebanon. I mean a whole lot. Also, someone smeared delicious nacho cheese all over the 7-11 door handle.
By Johnny Beaver