Linn-Benton Backwash: Fun With Numbers

linnbentonbackwash1Local Corvallis newspaper offers article with high school basketball statistics for players about to come to OSU. The number of people that care has been scientifically proven to ebb and flow with the amount of orange and black sh*t on their person or property.

A data company in a state you probably forgot existed named Corvallis the best small city in the U.S. for police in terms of wages, cost of living, safety, etc. Be right back, I have to go poop due to the excitement.

After a nearly 25-year stint at Linn-Benton Community College, Vice President Beth Hogeland is retiring. When asked for comments on the situation, several students responded with, “Yo, is she that ^$#@! that &%@! up the graphics design program or whatevers?”

The Corvallis police blotter remains pathetically boring this week. Come on, crack heads, let’s not let Linn County always hold the crown.

The Lebanon Log: June 20 was met with reports of a naked man running alongside a 16-year-old jogger on Tennessee Road. On June 23 a woman stole her neighbor’s tomato cage, and on June 24 a woman’s neighbor attacked her with a cane… possibly unrelated. On June 25 a house was burgled and a safe was stolen—said safe was reported by a very unimaginative homeowner as containing “gold and silver bars.”

Lebanon celebrated National Animals in the Road Day on June 25, with a bull spotted near Golden Valley Road and six sheep hanging out on Swank Drive.

By Johnny Beaver

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