Linn-Benton Backwash

linnbentonbackwashHearing about the Oregon filmmakers that were getting aid to Nepal, Corvallisite and self-professed medicine man Stan Burdich signed up, citing the need to be sure the people of Nepal weren’t being forced to eat GMO rations while they were praying for clean water and a tarp.

Going to be too tired after getting your a*s rocked off by Foghat at the Benton County Fair this Aug.1 to attend the Albany Art & Air Festival the next day? Don’t worry, Daughtry is the big musical guest now that REO Speedwagon has pulled out. Yuck!

The Gazette-Times held a forum on Measure 2-89. More than 150 chuckle-heads that already had their minds made up gathered to yell at each other about beets.

Residents and business owners of downtown Corvallis have come up with a possible solution to the homeless shelter problem: build something from scratch out near the airport. And we’re all very sure it’s about helping the homeless, rather than shipping the entire infrastructure out of town so the affluent aren’t offended.

The Samaritan Health Sciences campus in Lebanon has begun construction on a 10-foot concrete wall to block itself off from the rest of the city. Oh, sorry, that’s not for a few years.

Proud Lebanon 18-year-old Libbie Hoene is an all-star athlete and Strawberry Festival Princess. She was featured in the Lebanon-Express on April 28 with a  whopping 523 words. However, this was all ruined when her mom commented and called her, and I sh*t you not, “Flibberflu.” I don’t know how many local hits that page has gotten, but it can’t be good.

On April 30, concerned citizens outside of the Lebanon Walmart called the police after they experienced a verbal assault from a young gentleman with headphones on. When officers arrived, however, they realized that he was just singing along to his music.

 On April 27, a Lebanon High School student was caught drinking on school property. When counseled by an officer, an empty Coors Light can was found. The officer seriously should have told him not to drink that nasty sh*t.

By Johnny Beaver