Linn-Benton Backwash

linnbentonbackwashby Johnny Beaver

Conrad Morgan, 23, of Corvallis was busted for burglary and theft last week. A women found him hiding in her bathroom. Eating her brownies and drinking a bottle of her wine. It was reported that at some point he shouted out that it was his house. And that, folks, is how you can get yourself held on $78,500 bail.

Last week a Crown Victoria was stolen in Albany, later recovered with its ass end sticking out of a lake. That’s how you end a joyride like a boss.

And now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for… Lebanon:

April 3: A drunk guy stood in front of a house screaming at people. Meanwhile, two cows were in the road somewhere, presumably standing around.

April 4: Some old guy was yelling “Heil Hitler!” at traffic in shorts and a sweatshirt.

April 5: An officer stopped kids for “playing recklessly” on playground equipment at the Green Acres School. Apparently they were viciously spitting, hanging from basketball hoops, and pushing their bikes on swings.

April 6: Trash was set on fire in the bathroom of the Boys & Girls Club. Also, a pit bull killed a chicken. So far police have not been able to rule out a connection.

April 9: An old couch was placed by the side of a road. Nobody was reported sitting on it.

April 10: Someone set a bathroom on fire (yeah, another one) and a middle school student put a ski mask on and pointed a finger-gun at the teacher. What a dumbs.