Linn Benton Backwash

By Johnny Beaver

linnbentonbackwashIndiana Jones was spotted at the Peacock quaffing Mazama Wit and making smug, half-smiled gestures toward anyone that would look. According to The Gazette-Times, Jones had discovered the mythical land of Southtown—a rough land, full of hooligans and bandits… a land with two streets named Alexander right across from each other… a land with its own Co-Op to mirror our own. Of course, nobody believes him.

In a bold move, Lebanon has realized that they need to start using big kid words instead of hillbilly phrases like “cutting cookies” in their police reports. You know, so us city-folk know what the hell they’re talking about.

The Corvallis Cyclists Group has issued a press statement apologizing for years of not following the rules while blaming drivers when they’re almost flattened. Too little, too late, says community. We want our brake pads back.

Corvallis city officials have officially formed a committee designed to determine whether or not there needs to be a permanent committee for forming committees. So far they have been unable to decide whether to meet at New Morning Bakery or Imagine Coffee.

Albany has petitioned the state and federal government for the permission to legalize crystal meth in hope that it will drive down the teen pregnancy rate. Oh snap.