Linn-Benton Backwash

linnbentonbackwash1Pianos can be found all over Corvallis as part of the annual Play Corvallis, Play (an inspired title, undoubtedly). Each embellished by different artists, the themes run an eclectic gamut from fruit ‘n’ veggies to… all sorts of other stuff. Rumor has it that amidst the bangs and bone-shattering clangs of the unwashed masses a few musical activists have been going around playing them properly.

Remember Michael Douglas (once again, I’m laughing)? Yeah, the guy that got into a fight with a bunch of police—a fight that persisted even after he was hit with batons, Tasers, and pepper spray. He just got 30 days in jail. If I had to speculate, I’d say it was because of a lack of record, etc. But what I’m really concerned about is this weirdo on the Gazette-Times message board that seems a little too concerned about the guy’s dogs. Let me quote: “What happened to his dogs? Shoddy reporting to miss this angle. Did they attack the police? How were they subdued? By the K9s?” And hey, while we’re at it, let’s find out what those dogs had for lunch. Was this guy feeding them a proper, protein-rich diet? When were they last treated for worms? What were their names?

Some guy named Travis Bryant blew himself up (he survived) after a homemade marijuana hash oil operation went teats up. These homemade oil labs seem to be cropping up more often despite new marijuana laws reinforcing their illegality. So that’s cool.

The Lebanon Express has so little to talk about that they continue to publish a piece every single time a new class starts at the medical school. And here I am talking about them, so f*ck me. I’m a loser.

Alcohol is apparently to blame for a hysterical Lebanon woman’s decision to unbuckle herself and jump from the car she was co-piloting. The hysteria reportedly was in connection to an undisclosed medical condition she had just finished being treated for at the Samaritan Community Hospital. Fair ‘nuff.

The Lebanon Log: On July 27 a transient was reported throwing urine from his car window in Walmart’s parking lot… already, not really any news there. July 29 was met with a peculiar bike theft, as the thieves left another bike in its place. On July 30 someone of questionable taste (and sanity) stole a 30-pack of Coors from Walmart, while a few hours later police found a bunch of empty bags and syringes in the Lebanon Public Library parking lot.

Other things surrounding these dates included the attempted theft of a trampoline and a whole mess of horses running down the road.

By Johnny Beaver