Rehabbing Cocaine
This may sound weird, but does anyone know where I can score some blow? I don’t have stats to back it up, but I think what we’re sorely missing in the Valley is a polite tolerance of coke. Stay with me here; you all must have noticed over the years that the abuse of alcohol and marijuana is not only tolerated, but is socially accepted. To the point that it’s actually more socially acceptable to merely smile and decline a joint passed one’s way, than to intone about the moral and legal ramifications of toking. And booze and weed aren’t the only de-ostracized members of the get-high clique of products; mushrooms, LSD, MDMA (in Molly or Ecstasy form) and even heroin have seen their reputations elevated in recent years.
But ask a pal where you might score some yayo and suddenly everyone gets all Afterschool Special on you.
This is quite a reversal from 30 years ago, when you could literally blow through lines of powder at your desk at work and the only strange look you’d get was of the “and you didn’t bring any for me, huh?” variety. President Obama even admitted dabbling in the booger sugar back in those days.
I’m not going to sit here and lecture you about the virtues of drugs or their abuse, but if there’s one thing I hate more than a prude, it’s a scold. And a hypocritical scold is basically like the ISIS of scolds. The reality is you’re much more likely to die from cigarettes, alcohol, or getting shot by police while in the throes of an acid trip than you are to overdose on cocaine. Sure, it’s destructive to our nation’s youth, but so is Iggy Azalea, and we all seem to politely tolerate her.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not encouraging anyone to do cocaine. That would be irresponsible. I’m just saying, be cool about it next time somebody asks you where they might acquire some. Aside from the fact that they might be your next president, I’m just sick of getting looked at like I just peed on your waffles.
Er—I mean, a hypothetical person, who is definitely not me, is sick of that…
Attracted to Evil
Is it wrong that I have a bit of a crush on Amanda Knox? Let me clarify that; is it wrong that my crush on Amanda Knox is heightened by the fact that it sort of feels like she got away with murder? Look, nobody’s perfect, but ever since she beat the murder rap in Italy, cut her hair short and moved back to the States, I find her Teflon status to be intoxicating.
Maybe there’s an element of danger involved, or maybe being bad just genuinely turns us on as human beings. In the age of infinite outrage, it’s become harder and harder to nurse an honest to goodness crush on a bad guy, but we still find ways. Remember the sexy mugshot guy from last year? He got a modeling deal based solely on how good looking he was in his mugshot, and men and women across the country took to Twitter and Instagram to profess their love despite his crimes. Remember Richard Ramirez, the Nightstalker? After killing 13 people and being sentenced to death in California, he basically spent the next 25 years fighting off oncoming hordes of single women who wanted to marry him. He even did marry one of these eligible bachelorettes, and she wasn’t some wide-eyed shut-in who hadn’t showered in 10 years. She was a successful professional who could have had any free man she desired. But she didn’t desire a good guy, and it had little to do with her ostensible level of crazy.
The list is nearly endless, because the old adage that “nice guys finish last” is true. Nice people do finish last and bad boys/girls are undeniably sexier.
Except Phil Spector, of course. Nobody finds that guy attractive.
By Rodney Smiley
Do you have a story for The Advocate? Email editor@corvallisadvocate.com