Halloween Horror for Shut-ins

candycorn-credit-istock-1626740574-630x419Let’s be realistic. If you’re reading this, you probably have no plans for Halloween. And neither do I. This year, instead of slutting it up in a revealing costume and doing keg stands, I plan to watch movies and hand out candy. I do miss my college days, but I think the experience of staying home and avoiding a hangover will be rewarding. To make the transition from cool kid to loser easier for all of us in our early 30s, I’ve compiled a list of five of my favorite scary movies, guaranteed to take your mind off of the loneliness of not going to a party. The best part is that they’re all available for instant viewing on Netflix, so there’s no need to do illegal stuff on the Internet. Watch them in the following order:

  1. ZomBeavers (2014)

In this campy spoof (seemingly tailor-made for Corvallisites) a gang of horny, idiot coeds take a weekend in the backwoods of Indiana. Sarcastic violence ensues when local rodents, mutated by way of radioactive waste, invade the students’ cabin and attack. Not scary, but very funny, and there’s toplessness.

  1. The Nightmare (2015)

This documentary—which feels more like a psychological thriller—explores the mysterious phenomenon of sleep paralysis. Real-life victims of this strange condition describe the monsters they encounter in their dreams, and it’s absolutely chilling.

  1. Rosemary’s Baby (1968)

Polanski’s creepy classic follows a pregnant and paranoid Mia Farrow as she attempts to solve the mystery behind a satanic cult while they threaten to steal her unborn child. Farrow’s tour-de-force performance is matched by that of the late John Cassavetes, who is hilarious as her self-absorbed, actor husband. If you only have time for one of the films in this list, watch this one.

  1. The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014)

An elderly woman suffering from Alzheimer’s lies at the center of this ominous story, filmed in found-footage style. Spoiler alert: It’s not Alzheimer’s, but something far more sinister. Be prepared for exorcisms, screaming, and falling off of your couch.

  1. V/H/S (2012)

Determined to steal a mysterious videotape, a gang of Canadian criminals accidentally stumbles upon a deceased homeless man who apparently died of fright after watching a series of videos. Another found-footage gorefest, this startling and disturbing movie goes above and beyond the genre to feature several short films in one, in the vein of 80’s “collections” like Creepshow.

Happy watching!

By Kiki Genoa