As the State Turns

stateturnssymbolHow ‘Super’ Was the Moon, Really?
Last Sunday it happened for the first time since anyone gave a crap about Olivia Newton-John’s “Physical” (that’s right, the year of our Lord 1982). The moon transformed into a Super Moon, and then took it up a notch by going full on LUNAR ECLIPSE, baby! Woo! Hell yeah guys, high five! Hashtag awesomesauce.

Looked just like a moon to me, though. Again. Oh well. The last time I waited for weeks on end to see a “super” moon I was greeted at the end of the rainbow with the same old sky-nipple that had always been there. Fool me twice, shame on… you fool me, you can’t get fooled again. Something like that.

Oregon Business Calls for Wage Hike
If you’ve been to the Portland area, you’ve probably seen a New Seasons Market (also known as “like Market of Choice, but better”). Well, the CEO, one Wendy Collie, has officially come out and said hey… bro… $9.25 isn’t cutting it to you know, survive and stuff. And she’s putting her money where her mouth is. Starting in January, her entry-level workers, counted amongst the 3,000-plus New Seasons employees, will be getting bumped from $10 to $12 an hour. Yes, voluntarily. While $12 an hour is still not enough, it’s an awesome move in the right direction.

Collie has called (no rhyme intended) on other business leaders to do the same, and supports a minimum wage hike that’s phased in over time so that businesses can prepare.

The business community has responded mostly with the sound of crickets chirping, but as they say, the night is young.

Charlie Hales Has a Plan
Portland Mayor in Chief, Charlie Hales, has a rather inspired plan for reducing homelessness. However, because it doesn’t involved shipping them all outside of the city limits, I’ve been told by a rather loud minority of Corvallis citizens that nobody wants to hear about it.

To be honest, it probably wouldn’t really help anyway because Portland’s homeless problem is actually tangible, and I’m sure the details of the plan call for an appropriately measured approach.

Fish and Wildlife to Poison Fish (Which Are Wildlife)
The Oregon Department of Poisoning, I mean Fish and Wildlife, just began a process of poisoning the hell out of a total of 10 ponds to wipe out goldfish, black crappies (not joking), smallmouth bass, and brown bullhead catfish. You see, these illegally introduced fish have been ganging up on the trout and Oregon just isn’t going to take it anymore.

Employing an EPA-approved toxin known as rotenone, mammals, humans, and even pesky birds will be unaffected as the target fish are annihilated. After the process, they’ll be able to bring in dump trucks of trout and just let them go all willy-nilly. Until people lodge hooks in their mouths, gut, cook, and eat them, of course.


I should also mention that rotenone kills trout as well, but I suppose the existing troutrifice (my term) is for the greater trout good.

Anywho, all affected ponds will remain closed until the toxic effects have passed. According to Oregon Public Broadcasting, the affected areas are as follows: “Luger, Boundary, and Peach ponds in Union County; Keyhole, Granite Meadows, Goldfish, Yellowjacket, and Windy Springs ponds in Umatilla County; Kinney Lake in Wallowa County; and Balm Reservoir in Baker County.”

Great News!
Oregon’s smaller cities are apparently growing much faster than in most other states. And that’s all I’ve got to say about that because the source material was a fluff piece with incomplete data.

Finally Some Good News (I Can’t Believe I Just Said That)
There’s a thing, and that thing is called New Avenues for Youth. They’re doing a thing, and that thing is the setting up of a house for homeless LGBTQ youth in Portland—the first program of its kind in the city. Over the last 20 some odd years, New Avenues has been providing shelter, job training, and similar services, having partnered this year with the Sexual and Minority Resource Center.

 When all is said and done with this project, up to six LGBTQ youngsters will be able to move into the New Avenues house, which will be based on the Oxford House (a group home model that at least one person seems to like). Much luck to its success, and hopeful expansion in the future.

By Johnny Beaver