Rusty Hinges, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 7:30 p.m. Free
You either know and love these guys or you don’t. And that’s cool. Because I’m trying to be more hands-off about people’s opinions and trying to exhibit a better understanding of the subjective nature of art and appreciation. All that said, if you don’t like Rusty Hinges, I hate your stupid face and you and me are gonna tussle. And I don’t mean that in a creepy sexual way, but more in an offensively physically aggressive manner. Like we’re going to tussle with our fists and nearby blunt objects. Where was I…? Oh yeah, Rusty Hignes is a fabulous band playing music that could definitely be described as part of the Americana tradition…
Turntable Enabler, Sky High Brewing, 160 NW Jackson Ave. 9:30 p.m. Free
Come “get your dance on,” as a lazier and probably uglier writer than me would probably put it, at this live event where, and you’ll forgive my oldness for showing here, a guy is going to play music for other people? From records? I don’t want to sound stuffy and pretentious, and certainly not disingenuous, but I feel like I do that all the time at home… and I probably have better taste in records than this stranger? To be honest, I only put in those question marks to seem gracious. I’m pretty certain I pick better music to listen to at home than this guy will for you at Sky High. But it is at Sky High, so why not?
The Svens’ Christmas Show, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 8 p.m. $5
Maybe my favorite band in town has a Christmas show planned. Based on these Swedes’ penchant for surf rock and bizarre cowboy poetry, I can only imagine the thing will be like a TV variety show hosted by the ghost of Slim Pickens and the still-alive Dick Dale. If that concept appeals to you as much as it does to me, this is an event you will not want to miss. And for the bargain basement price of only five American doll-hairs. What a deal. As King Carl Gustaf of Sweden once famously quipped about The Svens, “These guys f*cking rule, here hit this…”
Axiom Brass Quintet, First United Methodist Church, 1165 NW Monroe Ave. 7:30 p.m. $26-$29
Okay, well these guys look like the Il Divo of brass quintets, if indeed such a thing even exists. Actually scratch that, they look like One Direction going as Il Divo for Halloween, only in some odd variation that includes brass instruments. At any rate, these dudes are kind of a big deal on the baroque brass circuit, so getting a chance to see them at F.U. Meth (a nickname I just coined for them, you’re welcome guys) is quite the coup. In fact F.U. Meth books kicking gigs like this all the time, and have deserved a clever nickname for quite some time. This show will feature a mix of baroque era old timeyness and more recent Duke Ellington-era old timeyness.
Forever Growing and Bazil Rathbone, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. $5
Pretty interesting little show here, with a couple of non-poppy bands coming in from north and south and converging to be listened to by swaying grad students. You should be among the swaying masses if you’re into an experimental jazzy set of music, which both bands play. Forever Growing is a terrible band name but they do a not-terrible, trance-infused electronic jazz/rock and hail from Portland. Rathbone is all instrumental and eclectic as heck out of Eugene. Don’t come to this show expecting to sing along, because as I understand it, there won’t be much singing. But this is a legit show of the week candidate, if you don’t count Axiom, The Svens, Bush Pilots, or the Symphony.
Bush Pilots, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 8 p.m. Free
Another one of my favorite local acts, Bush Pilots features some really talented gents playing a sort of bluegrass fusion that promises to put a little pep in your step. They are not guaranteeing any zoom in your plume or rise in your thighs, though, so please don’t come up to them after the show complaining that you didn’t experience those things and demanding your money back. I can tell you from personal experience that they’re not open to that. Plus they play for free, so you’re kind of pissing up a rope on the whole refund front…
Corvallis-OSU Symphony Holiday Concert, LaSells Stewart Center, 875 SW 26th St. 3 p.m. $20-$32
How about a night at the symphony for the holidays? Maybe instead of your normal Sunday afternoon, which if it’s anything like mine, is mostly just you sitting on the couch watching football and smearing gravy (or mayonnaise if you’re in the Midwest or Canada) all over your chest and playing games on your cell phone while your cats endlessly bray for attention, you try a little culture. Maybe. Or maybe you’re just not filthy filth monster. But still, Vivaldi and a mixed bag of holiday favorites. That’s a no-brainer.
Blues Jam!, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 4 to 6 p.m. Free
Are you totes bummin’ bro? If so, why not try bopping your blues away with… the blues. Okay, I didn’t think that particular exhortation through very well, but I think you know what I mean. It’s a free blues free-for-all that’s literally free for all. You know what? I just don’t have it this week. Just meet me halfway and pretend I used better words to sell you on this.
Bryson Skaar, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7 p.m. Free
Bryson continues to hold down Mondays like a champ, and I think it’s pretty safe to say the whole local free jazz scene is pretty much Skaar’s b*tch. I mean, I’m not saying you’re going to see whole bands clad in matching tuxedoes worshipping at his feet when he walks down the street. I’m also very much not not saying that either, though. My dude really is sort of a huge deal. If you don’t believe me, grab the next blue-haired lady you see at Bi-Mart by the arm and yell in her face, “Who rules the jazz keys in Corvallis?” If she doesn’t pepper spray you immediately, she’ll likely say, “Bryson Skaar, every Monday at the ‘Gine!” In fact she may say that as she pepper sprays you.
Traditional West African Dance Classes, Oddfellows Hall, 223 SW 2nd St. 7:15 p.m. $10-$12
I’ll be completely honest with you here: I’m not the type to pay someone else to tell me how to dance. Not only am I broke-ish, but I’m just more accustomed to being the one that gets offered the money to teach what I know to others as far as the dancing is concerned. But perhaps it’s just narrowly possible that there’s one or two of you out there who both has more money than me and is also an inferior dancer. I’d be willing to bet the farm on it, again noting that “the farm” in this case is a decrepit one, not worth its mortgage. But for those one or two of you, you can’t beat this dance class that is both awesome and not free.
Community Movie Night with Ygal Kaufman, Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 7 p.m. Free
CMNYK is chugging on through the winter with a selection of classics that’ll make you forget about the piss-poor weather. This week it’s a massively star-studded mystery affair with the legendary French sleuth Inspector Maigret. The incomparable Charles Laughton plays Maigret in a weirdly forgotten little gem that also features Burgess Meredith doing double duty as director and co-star. CMNYK is only as strong as you are, and based on the first year and a half of turnout, we’re stronger than Dwayne the Rock Johnson on a PCP and steroid binge. Which is my way of saying thanks. Aw shucks, now you made me blush…
Celtic Jam, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7 p.m. Free
Back over at the old ‘Gine is another one of Corvallis’ most reliable nights of music, the Celtic Jam. I personally find the Irish flute to be one of the more charming of all the flute formats. Basically you only hear the flute in classical music or jazz, which are both great, or a bit in rock and roll (Jethro Tull only, really) but I think the only genre that’s really still alive and innovating with the flute is Celtic jamming. Or sound effects for cartoons. There’s still a sh*tload of applications for the flute in cartoons… Aaaaaannyway, Celtic Jam; it’s pretty terrific. And there’s a flute.
Chuck Holst & Gary Rowles, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 8:30 p.m. Free
If you’ve ever read this section before you know what I’m going to say next. Gary Rowles, the Gary Rowles, former lead guitarist of Love—Gary f*cking Rowles—plays this free night of soft rock with his pal Chuck Holst a couple times a month at Bombs. And I’m just not sure enough of you are showing up and/or bowing at the altar. This dude rocked with Jimi Hendrix and Arthur Lee. Go to this show and try to touch his hand, you undeserving plebe. No but seriously, go.
Pastega Christmas Light Display, Benton County Fairgrounds, 110 SW 53rd St. 4:30-10 p.m. Free
Wow, it’s entirely too early in the holiday season for everything to be this shut down on a Wednesday night. But since Corvallis apparently has absolutely nothing in store, it’s either this light display or a “Netflix and chill” as the kids apparently put it, at my house. And you’re not invited to my house. I don’t know what this light display entails, or how much experiencing of it there is to do. It sort of sounds like a 15-second night out to me, but I’m also famously a bit of a d*ck. I think a lot of community members helped put this thing together, and I’m definitely not going to look down my nose at that. Maybe it’s the sort of thing that is only as good as you make it. By which I mean maybe bring booze or something, not that you should enjoy it from the bottom of your heart with your loved ones.
GUIDES and Mons La Hire, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9:30 p.m. Free
Oh snap, this is a bona fide show of the week right here. Mons La Hire is actually a lot more accessible and pop-infused than their name or inscrutable band webpage, which is just a blog that talks about several things, none of them things that the band name would suggest. GUIDES are a crazy big-sounding band in from LA that might be the next big thing in shoegazing. This would definitely be a show to see if you were entertaining friends from out of town and wanted to mislead them about the quality and eclecticism of live music in Corvallis. Also if you’re broke. Yay for free shows!
Marys River Grange Movie Night, Marys River Grange Hall, 24707 Grange Hall Rd. 7 p.m. Free
Yeah, movies keep it realer than real in the wintery rainy days of December. And nothing keeps it as really real as free movies at a grange. The National Grange system is itself a fascinating subject that Ken Burns should make a documentary about, but when you throw in free movies with newsreels and cartoons? Come on. This is the fourth installment of MRGMN and we’ll be screening His Girl Friday, the legendary comedy with Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell. Philomath, this is for you, baby!