It feels like it hasn’t even been a month since the last time looping shred-maestro Curtis Monette graced the Bombs stage with his presence. And that might even be because it hasn’t been a month. Still Curtis Monette is Corvallis. The same way Michael Stanley is Cleveland, Bruce Springsteen is New Jersey, and promiscuous millennials are Denver. Am I right? About Denver at least? You can catch the clap just landing in the airport…
Aladdin, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 7:30 p.m. $15 ($10 for members, seniors, students)
“So you’re telling me I get three wishes?” asked the shivering and likely illiterate street urchin. “Yes,” said the giant, terrifying half-smoke monster that just came out of the brass lamp. It is at this point in the story that I check out of the story entirely. There is so much wrong with the idea that wishing your way to wealth and fortune will inherently backfire. I’ve wagered my entire existence on it, so I hope that’s true. Find out at this fantastic “panto” Aladdin that’s so good I’m pumping it twice this week. It has nothing to do extraneous circumstances… I mean, look, Van Halen is playing Gill Coliseum on the same night.
MOsley WOtta, David von Schlegell and Bury the Moon, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 10 p.m. $5
I’m somewhat confused, but that’s nothing new. David Von Schlegell was a world-renowned abstract artist who croaked 23 years ago. So obviously I’m as surprised as you are to see him opening for Bend’s own MOsley WOtta. And don’t even get me started on Bury the Moon. Seriously, don’t. I’m not in the mood to google that and find out whatever it is—I’m guessing emotional alternative or maybe Americana, because why not have that open for a hip-hop act? Anyway, WOtta is back in effect for the first time in a few months, and this is about as urban as the music gets around here, so if you were in the mood for not-Americana, you’re in luck (at least, for the headliner, the rest of this show may very well be the exact same stuff you always hear around here).
*”In the know” associate editor’s abuse of power here, by Johnny Beaver: Bury the Moon kicks ass… can’t speak to the dead guy, though.
The Van Meyers, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 8 p.m. Free
Prepare to get sperimental. The Van Meyers are Corvallis’ resident pretentious artsy schmartsy abstract musicologists. If you like jazz music that sounds less like Art Blakey and more like the ambient tones in the background of a torture mansion in a Saw movie, this is definitely the show for you. These guys play genuinely interesting thinking music that goes pretty well with a beer and good company—not as well as it does with murder and insanity, but still, Calapooia only serves beer and good company, so what’re you going to do?
Jeffrey Martin, Anna Tivel & Chase Gassaway, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 8 p.m. Free
In case you haven’t been paying attention to this column, and judging by our analytics, you haven’t, I have a deep and abiding love of acoustic guitar, singer/songwriters, and alt-folk as a genre. I’m also 6’7” and am afflicted by the extremely rare Duane syndrome. One of those three statements is true. If you can guess which, you probably would right-swipe me on Tinder. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, Jeff Martin and Anna Tivel are fantastic and accomplished musicians who just moved to the valley and will likely be gracing us with their performance on a fairly regular basis. Come get a taste. For free.
Space Neighbors, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. $5
If you’re not looking to get a taste of what’s new in Corvallis, you could also opt for one of our most loyal, beloved, and familiar local acts Curtis MonetteChuck HolstLMNOPatrimony Space Neighbors. They don’t promise to blow your mind and make you a believer in the power of rock ‘n’ roll. But that doesn’t mean they won’t. And now that we’re on the subject, what does it say about you that you demand such earth-moving from a local bar band? Diva much? Jeez, give it a rest, Mariah Carey, you may have to settle for “just great” this time.
Aladdin, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 2:30 p.m. $15 ($10 for members, seniors, students)
Who’s the filthy thief who stumbled on a treasure and with the nefarious support of an otherworldly presence, became boss? No, not Donald Trump (timely!), I’m talking about Aladdin. And this would be your very last chance to see him singing and dancing and cursing out the audience in a British accent—wait, that last thing doesn’t happen? Huh… Anyway, the rest of it should be pretty amazing. Repeat, last chance. Don’t miss it.
Classical Connections – Corvallis-OSU Symphony, LaSells Stewart Center, 875 SW 26th St. 3 p.m. $20 to $27
How about a night out at the symphony? You uncultured clod. Jeez, how many episodes of Duck Dynasty can you watch? We get it, they’re rednecks. But seriously Corvallis, let’s try and not embarrass ourselves by showing up in droves to see Papa Roach or B.O.B. or whatever godawful act is playing at Dam Jam or whatever, and then not show up for our fabulous symphony. Albinoni, Mozart, and Beethoven are on the docket for this pleasant mid-day concert. You’ve heard of Mozart, right? Yes, the dude whose face is on the chocolates. Or wait, have you been eating Zappa Balls again?
Traditional West African Dance Classes, Oddfellows Hall, 223 SW 2nd St. 7:15 p.m. $10 to $12
Traditional West African dance is back, baby! Sorry, let me rephrase that. Traditional West African dance remains a thing that’s awesome to do in Corvallis every Monday night, Advocate and some locals take notice. For real though, Fefafe is amazing and they provide the glorious rhythms that you will find it scientifically impossible to not dance to at this weekly dance class/jam. Word to the wise: don’t walk in here blasting Gloria Estefan and expecting to teach them a thing or two. They’re well aware, and trust me, these guys are better dancers than that. Spare yourself the embarrassment.
Speaking of sparing oneself embarrassment, don’t even bother talking to me if you haven’t been to, and preferably frequented, Bryson Skaar’s one-man jazz cauldron of doom. It’s my favorite place to hear jazz, drink a latte, and scheme on septuagenarians just trying to enjoy themselves and not meet an energetic and eager-to-be-in-a-will lothario such as myself. Soon it will be yours, too.
Community Movie Night with Ygal Kaufman, Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 8 p.m. Free
It’s about to get properly British “up in here,” as the kids say. Two of the biggest legends of 20th century English film and literature, Sir David Lean and Sir Noel Coward, collaborated on this war film in which Coward served as writer, co-director, and star. It’s epic, beautiful, and a perfect candidate for that CMNYK treatment people seem to love so much. Make sure to get there early, because Coward and Lean are “sort of a big deal,” to again quote the kids. Seriously, google them if those two names don’t jump off the page and slap you in the face, challenging you to a duel. And certainly if you’re reading this in front of a friend, pretend that they do and act accordingly mind-blown until you have time to steal away to the bathroom and look up the names. Also, I don’t know, read a book or something, goon.
Mango Django, Old World Deli, 341 SW 2nd St. 7:30 p.m. Free
Mango Django is perfection at the Old World. Every other Tuesday, they pair extremely well with a turkey on marble rye, which is why I encourage all six of you who aren’t at Movie Night to hit this up and enjoy. Jazz music is uniquely suited for listening to live in a deli. Whether you want to totally get lost in the music, or your cup of potato salad, the setting is sublime. It’s also the right genre for quietly chatting with your date about which roles you’ll be playing when you get back to the bedroom.
The Fireweeds, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 8:30 p.m. Free
The Fireweeds are back. Hide your daughters, sons, mothers, grandpas—you know, I’m not really sure who should be hid in this instance. The Weeds are a bunch of fun-lovers who blow into town and trouble usually follows their rambunctious folk/Americana spectacle. Riot police were called in to quell an uprising of rambunctious Fireweeds fans in Vancouver just last month after the band only played one encore and a melee ensued which engulfed a Circle K in flames. Folk and Americana in the Pacific Northwest: what can I tell you? Sh*t gets real.
Back to the Future Night, Oddfellows Hall, 223 SW 2nd St. 4 p.m. Free
Unless your Internet is very broken, you are surely aware that the fictional future imagined in Back to the Future Part II is upon us. That movie envisioned a 2015 rife with politeness, hover boards, an MLB team in Miami, and the Cubs in the World Series. Pretty much all of that is currently on course for coming true, already has come true, or is a foregone conclusion. Except the politeness. Bring your ugly ignorant behinds over to Oddfellows Hall to celebrate, watch the movie, get free stuff, and otherwise be a lame jerk. Sorry, I’ll work on the politeness thing. Go Cubs!
Comedy Night with Jeff Oliver, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. $3
Corvallis’ second favorite person to have ever appeared on a national cable news show (clearly Art Robinson on Rachel Maddow will forever be number one), Jeff Oliver is taking the world by storm drizzle. He’s hilarious and brings top-flight stand-up talent to Bombs for which he deserves our eternal thanks. He also managed to do a televised interview on FOX News without stripping naked and running around the room calling them all insults in Swedish, which is how most people react to FOX News. Or maybe that’s just my uncle Alfhild. Fun fact: Alfhild means “battle elf” in Swedish, so I guess the night of comedy has already begun. Your move, Oliver.
Wild Hog in the Woods, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 7:30 p.m. Free
Wild Hog is back. And if they don’t hear some toes a-tappin’, things are going to get mighty uncomfortable in here. While it would be wrong of me to suggest that Wild Hog gets violent and will jump in the crowd to fight at the drop of a hat, I don’t really have a moral compass, so wrong things don’t bother me. So yeah, Wild Hog will totally fight you if you don’t enjoy their music. Fortunately they’re great and you will enjoy it. I repeat, you will enjoy it.