8 Days a Week…

JiveMind_Thursday10Thursday, 10

Jive Mind, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9:30 p.m. $3

I can’t endorse this band name, I’ll just come out and say it. I mean, it’s clever, and nobody’s a bigger fan of wordplay than me, but come on. This one is a little on the nose for my taste. Their music, on the other hand, is right up my jazzy funkin’ alley. Jive Mind plays a sweetly jazz-infused brand of funk, with originals and covers and jive to spare. Oh wait, now I get the band name. Derp. Jive Mind. Still hate it. But I’m definitely going to this show. $3 is a steal for these guys who are pretty damn funky and good with their instruments.


Michelle Hazelton, Peacock Bar & Grille, 125 SW 2nd St. 7 p.m. Free

Michelle is back with her twice monthly singer-songwriting gig at the ‘Cock. On a Thursday night I fancy swinging by the ‘Cock for some tunes and a brew, a cold one, and then heading over to the ‘Gine for a board game and another brew, a hot one this time. I spin a real Norman Rockwell view of Corvallis, don’t I? Although Norman never drew me hustling for meth outside the ‘Cock while Michelle puts it down with her inimitable bouncer-infused singer-songwritering. Norman never drew me naked either, but I probably would have wasted the opportunity doing Titanic jokes… Anywaaaaay… Michelle Hazelton, busting the jams for free. Hallelujah.

Friday, 11

Grandparents and Old Age, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. $3

In the past I’ve made fun of some of the pairings at Bombs. It’s not that they’re bad, just risky. Occasionally you get something like Back Porch Preachers (a fictional bluegrass band I just came up with) opening for Sans Seraph (a black metal band I just invented). Now before you run to Google to check if those bands already exist somewhere so you can decide whether or not they become your new band name(s), just consider how good a pairing Grandparents and Old Age is. Not only do their hot poppy sounds go great together, but hello—band name synergy. I love it.



An Adult Evening of Shel Silverstein, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 7:30 p.m. $15 ($10 for members, seniors, students)

I’ve experienced an adult evening of Shel Silverstein before. It was in a sparsely circulated VHS celebrity sex tape of him and Kris Jenner (then Kardashian). It was… not sexy. Shel seemed disinterested and you can sort of make out Robert Kardashian and Alan Dershowitz’s silhouettes in the background lit only by their cigars as they inhaled while they approvingly watched on. What can I say? The early 90s were a weird time. For an equally weird, but far more amusing adult evening of Shel, check out this awesome-looking offering from the Majestic.


Saturday, 12

Crescendo Show with Dahora Babylon, Fireworks Pub & Pizza, 1115 SE 3rd St. 4 p.m. Free

I’ll admit I’ve never even been to Fireworks, so this grand reopening is not as much of a thrill for me as for the masses who have longed for hot FW action to return. Nonetheless both myself and the masses are in luck, because hot action is indeed in store. The re-opening party features two of Corvallis’ finest: The Crescendo Show, a bumping, eclectic five-piece of fusion-y pop act that is one of the best in town, and MC duties from Dahora Babylon, a divine diva in the classic and traditional sense. So clearly everyone go to this if you’re not at An Adult Evening of Shel Silverstein, or maybe beforehand… and afterhand. Is afterhand a thing?


Wilhelmina FrankZerda, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7:30 p.m. Free

So you’re telling me the ‘Gine is providing an increasing stream of high-quality performers like every night of the week? I’ll take it. Wilhelmina plays violin and is pushing her latest release, FLIGHT. She also gives lessons in violin, guitar, piano, and other instruments over Skype, which is ideal for me because I play piano in the old Venetian tradition, without pants. Oh, and I’m hideously ugly and mutated and I need several hours of prosthetic makeup just to go out in the morning, so a music lesson where I can just point the camera toward my hands or something is really convenient.


Sunday, 13

An Adult Evening of Shel Silverstein, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 2:30 p.m. $15 ($10 for members, seniors, students)

This play is going to be amazing, and I say that with no bias or other connections that a journalist would traditionally disclose. Shel Silverstein was a genius and his short sketches are hilarious. And the sketches were arranged by David Mamet, so you know they’re foul-mouthed and subversive. Is there going to be challenging material about sexual politics and other hot button issues? Yes. Will there be handsome and well-costumed locals acting their a*ses off? Yes. Is there booze for sale at the Majestic? Yes. I feel like this no-brainer couldn’t have less of a brain…

Blues Jam!, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 4 to 6 p.m. Free

Now if you were Shel Silverstein himself, and every other pulse with $15 to spare was going to see the play at the Majestic, where do you think he would be? At the ‘Pooia listening to and possibly joining in on some bluegrass? Yeah. Well probably. Or somewhere agitating against Nixon. Commie. Aaaaaanyway. Blues Jam at the ‘Pooia: if dead hippies were still alive, they’d be there. You’re welcome, you guys. You can have that slogan.

Monday, 14

Bryson Skaar, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7 p.m. Free

Yeah I’m pumping the ‘Gine for events this week, so what? So what if a coffee shop in a just okay location is providing the week’s best music? Does that mean you need to raise your game up, Corvallis? I don’t know. I’ll let you decide that. Meanwhile Bryson is just going to kick back and play the jazz while “sh*t gets real” on the outside world. That’s what cool jazz and a hot coffee is all about. Learn about the multi-temp sensations at the ‘Gine, every Monday evening. End somersault.

Dicemasters, Matt’s Cavalcade of Comics, NW Buchanan Ave. 7:30 – 9:30 p.m. Free

When you’re done raging at the image choices for the “geek life primer” and finish your tirade about being put into a “convenient little marketing box by slickly produced corporate nerdism” like The Big Bang Theory, Silicon Valley, or The Corvallis Advocate, I’ll see you over at Matt’s. Because obviously you’re coming here to role play, you sad, physically unfit disappointment to your parents. Er—sorry, I misspoke. I meant, my fellow sad, physically unfit disappointments to our parents.

Tuesday, 15

Community Movie Night with Ygal Kaufman, Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 7 p.m. Free

This much beloved, but strangely forgotten, classic has been more recognizably remade as Heaven Can Wait (1978, also the name of the play on which it’s based) starring Warren Beatty and Down to Earth (2001) starring Chris Rock. But as usual, this oldest version had it right all along. Robert Montgomery and Claude Rains are a hoot in this fun and warmhearted tale of afterlife shenanigans and redemption. Also the guy who hosts these free movie nights is objectively terrific and deserves to be brought free hot coffee when he’s walking around town. Just a random observation.



Celtic Jam, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7 p.m. Free

Now let’s hypothetically imagine (see what I did there?) a world where you aren’t at Movie Night. Where are you? If the statistics I’m getting are correct, and how could they not be—I get them from a guy who just sits in his meth lab all day staring out the window observing people—65% of you are at the ‘Gine rocking this amazing Celtic musical throwdown that features flute and strings and other treats to put the green in your sleeves and the Erin go in your braghs. The other 35% of you are evenly spread among places of religious worship and Salem strip clubs. I’m talking to you, 35%. Maybe consider the ‘Gine this week. Wait a second…

Wednesday, 16

D.B. Rouse, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 8:30 p.m. Free

D.B. Rouse is an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, lovingly surrounded by a bed of romaine lettuce, cradled in a filo dough shell, ensconced in pain and loss and mustard. In other words, I would go see this guy and his odd, mixed-bag singer-songwriter sounds any old time. Especially for free. If you want to come with me, you’re driving. And buying. And also hopefully mowing my lawn for me before we go, because I am just a mess right now…


Matt Neely Jazz Showcase, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7 p.m. Free

Matt Neely has been vouched for. That’s all I can tell you without giving away too much. But rest assured, this guy has been vouched for, and not just by me, who seemingly uncritically pushes anything at the ‘Gine. But by people with taste. Tastemakers, as they say, have weighed in and find Matt Neely and jazzy showcasings to be top notch and well worth the zero dollars required to attend.

Thursday, 17

Rin Tin Tiger, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Free

RTT, as they were briefly known before chubby-fingered people looking for Jonathan Taylor Thomas fan sites kept winding up on their page and complaining, are one of San Francisco’s premier handsome-young-dudes-playing-Americana acts. Their promo material describes them as a “blend of Bob Dylan, Violent Femmes, and Tupac,” which I’m going to go ahead and give them a pass on. Let’s not insult each other, okay guys? They should be pretty good, and there’s a Corvallis Beer Week tasting from 6 to 8, too.


Free Range Open Mic Night, Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. Free

This open mic night is exactly the antidote to any pretentions in the air. Are you sometimes concerned about people disappearing up their b-holes on account of how exceedingly pleased they are with themselves? Well, then you’re in luck, because those types tend to not frequent open mics. Come get some raw-edged music for the right price with the right spice. Open Mic Nights Incorporated (OMNI) approves this message.