8 Days a Week…

SunBlood_Thursday13Thursday, 13

Sunblood Stories and Vandfald, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 10 p.m. Free

Damn Corvallis, check out the big acts on you this week. Between this show, the must-see Red Cloud show, Radion, the weird stop animation sex video my wife and I are making, and two chances to see Hilltop Big Band, this week is just packed to the gills with awesome spectacles to give your ears and genitals a boost. Sunblood Stories and Vanfald both rock surprisingly well for how pretentious their band names are. Sunblood Stories sounds like a collection of Cormac McCarthy short stories. I’m guessing they’re not nearly as depressing as that would be.



Now Brothers, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 8 p.m. Free

Now Brothers returns to Calapooia for another night of free rock ‘n’ rolling. If I’m being honest, I’ll probably be too showed-out at this point to go to another event and headbang non-stop for 45 minutes. Although if I’m being really honest, I’ll probably stay at home and listen to Iron Maiden while I shoot BBs at Stratego pieces on which I’ve written the names of politicians I don’t agree with. And I’ll headbang a lot during that, so I guess my excuse for missing this show is less than rock solid. Also, if you do go to this show and you happen to show up late, be polite and don’t loudly make a “Later brothers” joke. I’ve thought about it and it would be less than classy.

Friday, 14

Vicki Stevens and Sonny Hess, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 9 p.m. Free

Yes please, baby boomer soul. I don’t know why I’m so horribly and unfairly biased, but when I see a bunch of 23-year-old hipsters from Portland playing R&B, my eyes reflexively roll, even if I circle back later and decide it’s pretty good. When middle-agers get together and groove, I melt like the stick of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter that they no doubt have in a cooler in their tour bus waiting for a post-show piece of toast and chamomile tea. Ahhhh sookie sookie now…


Friday Night Music, Emerson Vineyard, 11665 Airlie Rd., Monmouth 6 p.m. $7.50 plus a can of food

Ray Hanna of the Reckless Rockhounds brings his keyboard and guitar-driven rock to the gorgeous vineyards of Emerson, seated in Monmouth, the heart of Oregon wine country…

is how I imagine this show would be written up by someone who has ever been to Emerson, heard of Ray Hanna or the Rockhounds, or has any idea how “keyboard and guitar-driven rock” is a viable description of a style of music. Welcome to Puff Writing 101, I’ll be your instructor. Emerson Vineyard has nothing about this guy or his band on their website, and it actually took a fair amount of digging to find anything on his own website, so the quality of this show is anyone’s guess. In its favor, it is being held at a place that sells alcohol.


Saturday, 15

Baby Boomer Comedy Show, Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 7:30 p.m. $20 ($15 for seniors, students, members)

This show is billed as “clean comedy for people born before seatbelts, safety helmets, and Facebook.” If they pay their copywriter by the word I could have saved them a few bucks: “comedy for old people.” All pith aside though, that could be awesomely hilarious. A person who swears as much as me sometimes forgets that a funny joke can be constructed without the use of the F, S, C, J, or Z-words. Jan McInnis and Kent Rader are the headliners, and Rader is a former winner of the Branson Comedy Festival. As far as I know, Yakov Smirnoff still owns Branson, so take that for what you will.


LMNO, Sky High Brewing, 160 NW Jackson Ave. 8 p.m. Free

Corvallis’ own hip-hop superfriends bring their big weird sound to the rooftop of Sky High. Something tells me the bar won’t be the only thing that’s sky high, eh? Eh? See what I did there? Because rap music and weed are easily conflated. Taking the time for the hard jokes, my friends, it’s not what you come to me for. This is probably your only chance to see a live show that doesn’t involve covers of oldies or soft acoustic strumming in Corvallis this week. So, line forms to the left. Or right… Shoot, I don’t know. I’ve never actually been to Sky High, but only because I’m afraid of heights. And crowds. And germs. In fact, this is simpler: I’m not afraid of clowns. Everything else reduces me to a shivering, sobbing wreck.


Sunday, 16

Bard in the Quad, Memorial Union Quad, 2501 SW Jefferson St. 7:30 p.m. $15 ($10 for students and seniors; $5 for OSU students)

Shakespeare is my dude. If you’ve ever loved anything, it was probably based on something the Bard wrote. From Akira Kurosawa and George Lucas to Ethan Hawke and Keanu Reeves, everyone takes shots at adapting his work. Few do it as locally and inexpensively as the OSU Theatre Department. These annual performances in the Memorial Union Quad are a pleasure, at least for me. Because I’m hella smart. I’m like a cup of Greek yogurt: I’m cultured. You analphabet goons probably would rather stay home and watch The Bachelorette. Know what I mean? Condescension.

Blues Jam!, Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 4 to 6 p.m. Free

Who else is trying to get their drink on at four in the afternoon on a Sunday? That’s right, all of you. Let’s all kick the blues together this Sunday. Wait, that came out wrong. Please do not get up on stage and kick the performers. And if you do, please don’t say I put the idea in your head. Unless people clap, I guess. Sh*t this is getting confusing. OK—don’t kick the performers. But if you do, only give me credit if 60% or more of the audience seems to like it. You know what, we’ll just plan the assault when we get there. Meet you in the parking lot at 3:45.

Monday, 17

Bryson Skaar, Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7:30 p.m. Free

Bryson Skaar and his electric piano will once again leave you breathless and clappy and all sorts of other visceral feelings. And then he’ll start playing. A young handsome dude stroking the keys in front of a room full of adulatory blue hairs, add caffeine and let the magic happen. For those somehow not in the know at this point, Bryson plays jazz music. For free. Seventy years ago, when Bryson’s fans were young men and women in their early 40s probably, this quality of jazz music could not be had for free. We’ve come a long way.


Yoga in the Gallery, The Arts Center, 700 SW Madison Ave. 6 p.m. Free

Yoga is stretching. And I hate stretching. I don’t stretch before I run, I don’t stretch my schedule, and when I play softball, I never stretch to make a play at first. In short, this event is geared to people much more fit and stretchy than me. For instance Gumby, Dr. Reed Richards, Dhalsim (from Street Fighter), or even that gross-looking dude you always see at the gym who can stretch and fold himself into disgusting and painful positions. If you want to just see the art there, which is great, there are less painful ways to do it than this. Then again, I said the same thing to the people watching me struggle through my bar mitzvah, and they just continued to sit and laugh at me. So enjoy!

Tuesday, 18

Community Movie Night with Ygal Kaufman, Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 7 p.m. Free

Laurence Olivier makes his fourth appearance at CMNYK with this bubbly wartime comedy/thriller that co-stars British screen legend Ralph Richardson and Valerie Hobson. This is another fun and gorgeous Alexander Korda production, and this Ygal Kaufman character who introduces and curates the series will surely have interesting factoids about it to share with the audience. If not, feel free to walk up to him, demand your money back, and kick him right in the junk. CMNYK is proud to be a part of the Darkside Cinema and be sponsored by the Majestic Theatre, even though both of those fine organizations are likely much less proud to be associated with Kaufman. No matter how good-looking and knowledgeable he is…



Concert in the Park, Central Park, 650 NW Monroe Ave. 8 p.m. Free

Last week CMNYK was showing a vulgar and hallucinogenic sci-fi film, so I hope you didn’t blow it and miss Concert in the Park if that was not to your liking. But if you didn’t, and you’re not in the movie mood this week, then do me a favor and go to free music in the park. It’s free. And in a park. I feel like this whole thing sells itself, which is why I’m not trying too hard.

Wednesday, 19

Us Lights and Dust Covered Carpet, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 10 p.m. Free

Portland’s Us Lights joins forces with Vienna import Dust Covered Carpet for our show of the week at Bombs. This is alt rock, downer wave, hipster stuff, and it’s pretty good. The video for DCC’s Linnahall is enough to get me out to this show on its own. Us Lights is higher energy, but goes great with Dust, and should even coax a dance or two out of even the most sarcastically dismissive tight pant-wearing douche. Like me.



Mango Django, Central Park, 650 NW Monroe Ave. 7:30 p.m. Free

Mango Django is playing twice this week—they were also at Old World Deli on Tuesday. But I just don’t see how you can pass on seeing them for free in the park. So this iteration is going to win out every time. Mango Django may have the most accurate band name in Corvallis. They totally sound like someone eating a mango while watching Django (1966) on LaserDisc. What? Django Reinhardt? Who the hell is that? Jazz and comedy, people. Two things that just go together.

Thursday, 20

The Rounders, Bury the Moon and All the Apparatus, Starker Arts Park, 4485 SW Country Club Dr. 6 p.m. Free

Sage got you covered for free music on Thursday this week, rounding out the trifecta of free music in beautiful parks on Tues-Wed-Thurs. And this one is actually an indie rock affair, so prepare for a drum set and some distortion at an outdoor concert in Corvallis. This does not compute. This does not compute. (I’m doing a robot voice, work with me.) Danger Will- ah, I don’t have the energy. Just go to this one, or you’ll never get outdoor indie rock ever again.

Curtis Monette, Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 8:30 p.m. Free

Curtis Monette is back for his monthly gig at Bombs. If you like loops, and guitars and melted faces on the floor and improvisation and other things like that, then this show should tickle you right in the gootch. Monette is a Corvallis establishment, like the Majestic, or the Graand Kinetic Challenge, or bitching about property taxes. He will always be with us, so show your appreciation.